P 4 W 0 D 4 L 0 = 4 points
0-0- 1-1 - 0-0 - 0-0 ( A think )
My first foray into the world of sportswriting and it has to be said , the jokes will come easy after beavis` performance last night . Division 2 a bit tougher than previous , fitter lads , good shape to the other teams but all in all I think the Elite done us proud , i was standin on the touchline a` pigeon chested at the displays fae the lads . Well done boys , great display .
So lets move onto Beavis . The boy can run , nae doot aboot that . the boy can jump , nae doot aboot that . Can the boy shit his shorts at the slightest hint of confrontation ? my maid `ll testify tae that een . Can the boy actually play fitba ? No fuckin chance was the shout fae the chairman . Jimbo`s actually researching synchronised trampolining teasm fae down under as he`s sure beavis is more suited to this .........attached a few pictures of the boy wonder in action . To be fair , he ran his heart oot for the elite last night , never gave up and scored the only goal , so fae me and a`body else beavis , top show .
Last night the Chairman was seeing red after the referee , an extra fae charlie and the chocolate factory , was heard to shout in Jimbo`s direction " CAN YOU KICK THE BALL BACK SHORTY " at which point I turned roon and didnae see onybody , but the chairman looked the guy square in the knees and called him a cheeky little cunt , quality !!!!!!!! ( I said i widnae mention it jim , but tough shit !!!!). I think its been said before , but the squad of boys we have now is only going to get stronger as the team develops and understands everyones playing style , although stephen feckin hawkins will never understand beavis` playing style .
So into Div 2 the Elite went for the first time in a while and they carried themselves with dignity and aplomb , pigeon chest at the ready ...............
Game 1 - Up against a fit looking opposition , started spritely and won possession all over the park . had the opposition chasing shadows for most of the game , cant really remember hancock having to make a save , although he did have me and shando shakin oor heids on the sidelines a few times with his distribution . Should have ran out winners in this game easy , but first game in Div 2 we would have maybe accepted a point . Played some great fitba and sid again never put a foot wrong , always steadies the ship , passes and moves , great interchanges wi him and marbler deserved 2 points for the elite , but 1 was accepted graciously . 0-0
Game 2 - The DJ`s this time , and what a prize wank that danny neville is , im going to phone in his radio station the day and tell him he`s a walloper !!!!!!!! Anyhoo , game started well again , plenty of running aff the ba , looking up , good distribution and lo and behold we get a free kick jist ootside the box ( cue chopstix runnin` 20 yards pointing and screamin` " IT WIS OOTSIDE , IT WIS OOTSIDE " .......the ref calmly lowered his hand to calm him down ( or he wis trying to find the feckin volume ) and awarded the free kick . Step up beavis , never any doubt who was takin it ......positioned the ball , had a look , shoot .....scores !!!!!!!!!! how he found a gap through 4 bodies i`ll never know , but 1 up we went . 3 mintues to go and we lost a sloppy goal , back post header of all , there teams movment was good and we maybe got suckered to near post , but credit to the boy he finished well with the header . 1-1 . Got to add that they`re teams defender , the boy wi the goatee , nae idea fit he wis on aboot all night , he spoke in an accent that marble man would struggle wi , didnae like the look o this boy and widnae mind a crack at him next week !!!!!!!!!! TWAT !!!!!!!!
Game 3 - Another game where the opposition seemed to be content with a draw , and the elite did`nt want to give anything away . Sid had a golden opporchancity to bury it fae 14 inches oot but put it over , better luck next time sidney !!!!!!!This was also the game with the infamous incident involving beavis , never seen someone go into there shell so quick , apart fae my terrapins in the villa , you should have gotten in aboot him beavis , maverick/griftario on the sidelines would have backe dyou up a the way min ...............you did actually leave a bronze 2 pence in your shorts tho` , dinna deny it !!!!! Either that or you sat in a mars bar , one of the 2 .......
0-0 fair result i think
Game 4 - grinded out another draw , these clowns were a team of ballerinas , satchmo gettin involved wi there guy at the back for keepin a haud o the ba , satch flicks it oot his hands and tries to get it in play , cue squaring up on the touchline in athing , wis itchin to run on ina . The resultant free kick was taken quickly and satch buried it ............in the sand behind the goals !!!!!!!! reminiscent of beavis` warm up attempts .......I think again to be fair , honest result .
DIV 2 Summary - The standard is higher and the opposition is bigger and fitter. The Elite are in good shape and with the best team picked for next week I can see us challenging for the trophy in 3 weeks time , nae borra .
- Hancock - Good night between the sticks fae the big man , solid saves when needed , although we need to talk to him more during the games as hes ayewis in 2 minds aboot pickin up the ba or puntin it . great distribution on the night .............for an elevens game !!!!!!! well done hancock , 9 -10
- Tinman - Great performance from the Tinners , marshalled well in every game he played in , broke forward a few times aswell which is what were looking for big man . Good distribution fae the back ina . 9-10
- Count Normski - I love him , i can see us growin auld witchin corrie every night wi wur chips on TV trays ....The wee man just never gives up , plays for everything and brings a certain calm and flair to the team ( fin he`s nae bawlin like a feckin banshee at abody aroond him ) played some lovely fitba on the night and close to the MOTM . 9 and a half-10
- Marble Man - I widnae mind jist one o his lungs , let alone 2 .......this boy is unbelievable , covered every blade of grass on the pitches last night , linked up well wi sid in midfield and if it wisnae for a fantastic save fae the opposition keeper in the 3rd game would have been awarded goal of the season .........traps the ba on his right knee , swivels and shoots fae all of 20 yards wi his left peg , dipping all the way with pace , only for the keeper to get a fingertip to it and touch it over.........I dont mind admitting this got me sexually aroused ........no-one deserves MOTM more marbler , great effort pal . 10-10
- Sid the Sexist - Sid is showing his class week in week out now , link up play is tremendous , always has a foot on the ball , very rarely wastes possession and fights for everything . Should have bagged another goal on the night , think he wis a bit concerned maybe twisting his ankle before the RAK half marathon ( poof ) . Absolute class , if it wisnae for marbleers running and effort , you were MOTM sid . 9and a half - 10
- Chesney - First time for the griftario seing chessers in action and i must admit i was impressed with his cool head at the back . Easy football fae the dude and a reliable and fit addition to the squad , and a good voice on the sidelines when he wisnae playing , ats fit its a aboot boys . 9-10
- Satchmo - The oldest legs oot there ( probably oot o a the pitches ) but the coolest head , hes got a great fitba brain has oor satch and he showed it again last night . kept his cool when bams were trying to hide the ba fae him , and almost scored fae a free kick 4 yards oot but blasted it high . Another sterling performance fae satchmo , a message to the young uns - listen to kev on the park , take heed of what hes telling you and you cannae fail . 9-10
- Beavis - Well , what can we sday about the lad thats not already been written . His warm up was worth the pitch fee itself , weaving back and forth , stretching the hips , mini sprints , stretches ........fuck me it wis like watchin a jane fonda workoot video !!!! then the shooting practice , well i think he was intentionally aiming for the tennis nets behind the practice goal , jist finding his range for the all important searching pass . ........started the first game and ran his heart ooot , chased everything down , never gave up on a ba , linked up well all night , a few mare weeks and i think we`ll start to see the best of beavis ( although jim did say the same a few weeks back !!!!! ) and scored the only goal of the night , which was a pearler free kick . Apart fae shitting himsel in the 3rd game , an all round solid performance fae the man they call beavis ( need to earn th lionel tag pal ) . 9and a half -10
On the side,
Grifter, No9,Chairman Jimbo,Feather .
A rousing speech fae the feather before the first game , really got the lads up for it and common sense prevailed . Was standing open mouthed at the phrases he was using , felt like an englishamn in new york . Best comment on the night , well it was a toss up between the refs comment to Chairman or No 9 , but ive already mentioned the refs comment so No 9 wins it .........as we were watching beavis do his warm up , No 9 turned to the griftario and said , after another shot hit the tennis nets , " FUCK ME , IVE BEEN DRAPPED FIR THAT SHITE " ........." AM NAE COMING BACK IF THATS THE PISH WERE FIELDING ".....I thought my punts wud never dry .........
So next week will need the same commitment and effort fae the lads , push for Div1 and the hallowed trophy to play for . Great turn out lads , keep it going for the rest of the season .
I'm looking forward to next week already and the arrival of Minty & Piries......
Onwards & Upwards,