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Northern Express
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Hey Min, Far Did ye Get Yer Stay Press Fae?????

 

4 W 1 D 2 L 1 4 points.

 

 After a very keenly contested golf tourney at the weekend, the Elite were back to normal business again last night. The golf wasn’t mentioned much at all last night, so obviously the lads that turned up weren’t in any of the prizes. Not sure who would have wanted to win the broken glass (as opposed to the cut glass) trophy Smash produced though. I guess at least each member of the winning four ball got a bit of the trophy each to put on the mantle piece.

 

 

Again there were a few of the regular faces missing but it just goes to show what a great bunch of lads and a great squad we have, that we still managed to have 9 players showing up.

 

We managed to stay in Division 4 after an excellent performance last week and were looking to build on that last night.

 

The cool box arrived courtesy of Chopstix and it was a welcome sight.

 

It was also noted however that Craig Day and Sid were walking 10 feet behind Chopstix the whole time as he struggled with the cool box all on his own through the car park. Apparently Sid was heard saying that he was f*cked if he was helping Chopstix as he had 8 games to play later on………..(he would be helping out Ritchie’s team later on that evening).

 

The lads assembled prior to kick off and were caught admiring Grifter’s new attire.

 

It still is unknown if he has a new job and he dresses like that every day or if he dressed like that for an interview, or maybe he had a spot on TV in the Hydra Executives.

Whatever the reason, he looked every inch like a model straight out of the window of Primark. Well impressed.

 

 

As said earlier, the depth of the Elite squad was in evidence again last night as there were places for Hancock in goals, Craig (Night and) Day, Chopstix, Grifter and Jeffo.

 

The line up for our first game was Hancock in goals, Chesney at the back alongside Night and Day, Sid in the middle and Shando doing the running up front.

Our first game was against the Locker Room who had been demoted from the 3rd Division.

 

The Elite were fast out of the blocks and were controlling the game from the off. The passing was very crisp and the communication was great from all on the pitch especially Hancock in goal.  

We had a few chances throughout the game to get the elusive goal, but it never came. A few chances went begging with Sid, Shando and Chesney all having good chances to break the dead lock.

 

The game ended 0-0 and we were already had our first point of the night.

 

 

We then had a break in the second round of games and got a deserved rest. The team were a little down after failing to win the first game but it was a good performance and we took a lot of heart from the performance.

 

Second game was against the other team who had been relegated the previous week, Arla Foods, or more commonly known as the Danes (Which team are they again?).

This was a very tight game with the Danes being happy to do most of the running and the Elite sitting tight on every player.

 

The Danes were having plenty possession, but nothing was coming of it as the Elite pushed them all the way.

Chesney made a promising run down the far side of the pitch only to be pushed over by the tracking player.

The ref was so far back from play, he would have as well been refereeing from Jebel Ali.

When he failed to give the foul, Chesney raced quicker than he had all night to the ref to demonstrate his frustration. The game raced on as both sides looked for the goal that would surely win the game.

 

With a minute or so to go, we were beaten yet again with a ball over the top.

 

Some of the Elite were left ball watching as the Danish player latched onto the ball to send it past the impressive Hancock in goals.

 

The Danes pressed hard for a second goal to kill the game off. In their last attack, the ball was lifted over the top again, this time Chesney was wise to it. He ran across the player to win the ball but was adjudged to have fouled the runner in the process. Chesney reacted as if Drogba had just been denied a few soft penalty claims in a Champions League Semi final.

 

He went absolutely radio rental at the ref.

 

Some of the other Elite players managed to calm him down enough for the free kick to be taken. It was slammed into the Elite wall and the final whistle blew.

 

Chesney then continued his best Drogba impersonation by arguing with the ref all the way off the pitch. Fairmer ran on (well jogged would be closer to the truth) and pulled Chesney away. Next game was about to start and the last thing we needed was to lose a player for arguing with the ref. It was obviously Chesney’s time of the month as he was uncharacteristically raging, so he was excused until he changed his tampon.

 

The game ended 1-0 and the Elite trudged off with their first defeat in 6 games. The disappointment was hard to hide from the players that had given so much in the game to be caught out yet again with the only chance the opposition had.

 

 

There was no time to mope about and it was straight into the Rattlesnake.

 

Well the game against them anyhow.

 

I think a few of the players thought their 5 a side team were made up of Russian gas cookers, but alas this was not the case. They had quite a young team who seemed pretty good with the flicks and tricks. One lad in particular wearing an Argentinian top seemed pretty mouthy and had been sent off in a previous game so this game had the potential to be fiery.

 

The game was controlled from start to finish by the Elite. Chance after chance was passed up by the Elite to take the lead.

Frustration was starting to creep into the Elite’s game at the failure to break down a visibly poorer team.

The game ended too quickly for the Elite and it ended goalless with none of the proposed fireworks.  

 

For the Fairmer, this was probably the most disappointing game of the night as we never looked like doing anything other than winning this game by a big margin, but it just didn’t fall for us.

Second point of the night and time to look forward to the last game.

 

 

The last game of the night was against the Poona boys and the Elite knew this was a huge game. These boys had just been promoted with the Rattler lads, so we needed to beat these guys, end of story.

 

The determination shown from the Elite from the start was incredible.

 

We raced up the pitch within the first minute and yet another PASS from Shando found Chopstix lurking at the back post to tap in a simple opener.

The Elite were looking to improve their goal difference in this game and were continually pushing forward to add to their tally.

 

There were a couple of wobbles along the way, but they were dealt with by Jeffo and Hancock at the back.

 

A second goal for the Elite was always on the cards, and it duly arrived when Chesney found himself in the PB’s half being marked by their keeper. Chesney turned the keeper and calmly rolled the ball into the empty net. From where I was standing, it looked like he turned to the ref from the Danish game and gave him a GIRFUY gesture but maybe it wasn’t…….

 

Shando picked up his first goal in about 35 weeks, and the Elite’s third with a carbon copy of Chesney’s. Their keeper was playing on the half way line and Shando collected the ball in the Elite half, turned the keeper with one touch then rolled the ball again into the empty net.

 

Final whistle went and a comprehensive win for the Elite in the final game to get the spirits back up amongst the squad. 3-0 the Elite.

 

 

Yet again a stunning effort from all lads involved last night. It never fails to amaze me how much spirit is shown in the squad week in week out, no matter who is picked to play :

 

Hancock – Some good saves in the first game in particular. Excellent communication throughout the games. Managed to stay in his box and not be sent off either. Quote of the night from Hancock “I haven’t lost a goal in three weeks”. That changed when he got his first start in four weeks. Also managed to stay on and play for Getmo in the top divisions.

 

Chesney – Ran his heart out again and was all over the pitch in every game. Pretty decent shift for him having the painters in, in my opinion.

 

Shando – This is starting to become a regular thing with Shando, but he yet again PASSED the ball for someone else to score. Also managed to chip in with a goal himself (his first in 35 weeks). Lucky to have been picked after his slanderous comments towards the Fairmer in last weeks’ emails.

 

Sid – Did his usual bossing job in the middle of the pitch, but seemed to be holding back some effort for Ritchie’s team in Division 1. Was rightly boo’ed when seen quietly pulling on the light blue top at the end of the night.

 

Craig (Night and) Day – Amazing engine and great running throughout the night. Great to have ye back Craig, but get a haircut min, yer nae in the Charlatans or Inspiral Carpets.

 

Jeffo – Marshalled the defence well and was a constant (moaner) talker to all around him. Showed great fitness in the game against the Danes by playing the whole 8 minutes and not breathing through his hoop.

 

Chopstix – Provided a similar option as some of the other attackers up front for the Elite (i.e. disna score much) after his trip to Rome. Managed to take along the cool box and deserves credit for that alone.

 

Grifter – Ran as much as his new Jockey Y’s would allow him to and got right into the mix when played up front in the last game. Great effort yet again and brilliant to see him back after a few weeks absence.

 

 

 

Cheers for showing up and supporting the team Andrew and Sye.

 

According to my dodgy Maths, we are 3 points off top place and well capable of going up next week.

 

 

C’Mon The Elite!

Cheers Fairmer.

 

 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Monday, 1 June 2009
Champions League Edition

Hello lads,

 

For those of your that missed the golf you were missed & you missed a magic day oot. You could tell that it had all the makings of a classic as by 9.00 am the Elite Breakfast Club were in knots and the banter was in full flow jesus even for us it was quick, Barry, Roberto, Satchmo, Feather & Grifter thanks for a magic start to the day, I've missed  seeing us all round the table.

 

It takes a lot of effort to get these things sorted oot but its worth it  to see & hear the Elite together, cheers for the laughs lads.  

 

Big thank you to the Els Club & to see through breeks for her prize giving skills.

 

& Minty aye Roberto was in the winning team, I've attached some pictures lads and depending on the sizes I will send a few more on separate mails.

 

Roberto, Haystacks it was magic to see you I only wish it was every week !

 

All the best, 
 

Jimbo 

(Northern Elite Els Golfer - Winner off F- All)


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
We?ve Taken Our Team Into Europe

 

4 W 2 D 2 L 0 6 points -  Total of 9 points for the two weeks. 

Well after another Sunday where the Dandy Dons managed to pip the Jute minks yet again for a place in Europe, the Fairmer was really looking forward to the games on Tuesday night. Time to chat with the lads and plan our next Euro jaunt as well as celebrate that the fat orange hoor has gone too. Double celebration for the Dons fans.

 

There was also a small matter of the league title going to the blue cheek of the old firm arse after the green cheek had thrown it away. Well done to the blue cheek (washing mouth out as we speak with large bar of soap), beat Falkirk at the weekend and we miss a qualifying round in Europe. (Sorry can’t bring myself to wish them well two weeks on the trot).

A few of the regular faces missing but a great turn out none the less again last night. Everyone looking to give a big push and get us out of the relegation place we were currently sitting in. We were only three points off the top though, so if the results went our way, we could theoretically be promoted too.

 

The cool box didn’t show unfortunately and this was going to become an issue later on with the temperature and humidity climbing every week. Chesney nearly dropped on the deck when he realized there was no cool box. Please can we have it returned for next week.

 

Hancock had obviously just gotten a new birthday present as he was snapping furiously away with a camera as the lads were coming in. A lot of belly sucking in and staying away from Chris, Sid and Beavis was the order of the night. Here’s hoping Hancock wasn’t moonlighting for Ahlan! Would hate to think the pics will end up there. Well Maybe Chris, Sid and Beavis wouldn’t be.

We sat out the first round of games again this week and watched from the touchline as all four teams in Division 4 played out goalless draws in front of us. The night had started off well as we didn’t want to lose touch of Playas Club and Seven Wonders at the top.

 

Another strong line up for our first game with Bubbles in goals, Satch and Chesney at the back, Sid in the middle and Shando doing the running up front.

 

The Elite started the game very well and were controlling the game from the off. There was some very slick passing from all areas over the pitch.

 

Satch was marshalling the defence well, with help from big Chris in goals. There was loads of communication throughout the team and it was joy to watch and hear. We pressed on looking for a goal and were finally rewarded when Sid latched onto a through ball from Shando (AGAIN PROVIDING!) and hit an unstoppable shot past the helpless Playas keeper.

We then went onto to play a superb game of holding the ball up and frustrating the Playas players. One dirty little nyaff in particular decided his elbows had become legal to use and proceeded to catch Sid in the face a couple of times as they were both going for the ball. Nothing given by the ref as per normal against these lads, so we smiled and carried on. Thankfully for the Elite (and the nyaff), it was Sid that was caught and not some of our slightly more aggressive players.  

Right at the end Shando was clean through but was met by the outrushing Playas keeper.

 

Shando using all his experience in the challenge, managed to somehow kick the keepers balls as they both challenged for the leather ball. Just a little retribution for the nyaff in midfield I thought.

Eventually the final whistle blew and we had beaten the team at the top of the league. Great result to start off our night. 1-0.

Second game was against the team currently sitting bottom of the group, Real Bad.

 

We had beaten them last week so they were looking for revenge.

This game started with a goal inside 10 seconds for the Elite. Right from the kick off, Beavis collected the ball, danced through a couple of challenges and put the ball past the Real Bad keeper. One nil to the Elite and the fans had barely had time to collect their pies and Bovrils.

Beavis was playing like Darren Mackie. Scored a great goal and was running his heart out up front. He chased every ball and was even tracking back now and then too. Unfortunately though, he showed how close he actually is to Darren Mackie by missing at least three other great chances. The goal he did score was probably the hardest chance.

He was hooked by the Fairmer and replaced by Shando at about half way. The crowd were on their feet for him coming off, if only to shout abuse for missing some great chances.

 

Shando came on……then got sent off.

 

Shando had been tracking back and following one players run when he dived into a challenge. It didn’t seem that bad to be fair. We have witnessed a hell of a lot worse challenges on the same pitches, but the ref thought it a sin bin challenge and the Elite were down to 4 for 2 mins.

The two minutes seemed to drag (as they always do), and we were on the ropes for the majority of the time we were a man down. The players held on well though and to their credit didn’t concede during the time.

Eventually Shando was allowed to come back on. There was still a minute to go and we wanted to push for a second goal to seal the points.

Shando’s first contribution to coming on was to chase after a long throw out by Bubbles in goals. The ball was thrown out into touch and Shando was instantly take off again, although this time he was subbed. Beavis took his place again up front and his Darren Mackie esq running (and finishing) had the crowd roaring from the touchline. Granted most of it was obscenities but the crowd were willing the team on.

 

Game ended and it was the second win of the night for the Elite. 1-0

Next game was against the Stevie Summers Seven Wonders, minus Stevie Summers.

 

Unfortunately for the Elite fans, there had been no new developments on the transfer front regarding young Kevin from the Wonders. Rumour has it, that he is desperate to pull on the famous red shirt of his heroes, but his agent and the Elite board seem to be poles apart when trying to discuss personal terms.

 

Again the Elite were out of the traps early and were holding the ball well against a big strong team. There was a lot of good possession from both teams and it was a very good open flowing game for the neutrals amongst the crowd to watch. It was end to end stuff with Bubbles proving his worth with a series of very good saves.

 

The game was very even when Sid collected the ball on the half way line and strolled forward to lash the ball past the hapless keeper into the net. The Elite bench went radio rental as this was the best team we had faced all night and we all understood the importance of taking the lead in this game. SSSWmSS had been runners up in Division 1 just a few weeks ago.

 

The Elite players were understandably tiring after giving their all in the previous two games and we were automatically pushed on the back foot after the goal.

 

SSSWmSS’s were pushing for an equalizer and there good work was rewarded when with a minute to go, they equalized. Chris was finally beaten by a rasping shot that even the great Theo Snelders would have struggled to keep out.

 

Final whistle blew on a highly entertaining game and a share of the spoils was probably a fair result. 1-1

Onto the last game against the Norfolk & Chance basketball players. This game was played for only 6 minutes as we had a new ref who didn’t stop his watch every time the ball went out.

 

We had a few good chances from long range, but none on target, so probably didn’t deserve to win. I was going to argue the timing with the ref but the Elite players looked dead on their feet and I was happy enough to take a point and remain unbeaten for the night. The only player not impressed with the ref blowing early was Big G.

He had went on with supposedly 2 ½ minutes to go so that he could work some wizardry in the middle of the pitch. What actually happened was that he got on for 30 seconds and he didn’t touch the ball yet!!!! He wasn’t too impressed with the Fairmer at the end, but when I calmly explained the refs poor time keeping, I was let off the hook.

Great effort from all lads involved last night :

 

Bubbles – Some excellent saves in the third game in particular. Kept the shouting going throughout the games. Almost made up for his f’ up last week.

 

Chesney –Man marked Elite transfer target Kevin out of the third game. Played well at the back and made one great forward run per game before screaming to be subbed..

 

Shando – PASSED again this week for Sid to score. On and off non-stop due to ordering off and subbed in second game. Held the ball up very well though when actually on the pitch.

 

Sid – Chipped in with 2 great goals and ran non-stop in the middle. Did well to keep his cool after catching the nyaff’s elbow, either that or he was scared of the 3ft high midfielder.

 

Satch – Continually proving that although he maybe looks 49, he can still keep up with the young lads in the team. Did a great job of talking to everyone around him even if most of them weren’t interested in listening.

 

Beavis – Scored a good goal very early on in the second game and missed at least 43 easier chances throughout the night. Without doubt the Elite’s very own Darren Mackie.

 

Tinman – Tinners ran about with a smile on his coupon the whole night. Probably still in a dream after Sunday. In some of the games, it would have been good if he hadn’t been dreaming so much,  but tracked back well and made some good blocks.

 

Big G – Made his cameo 2 ½ minutes appearance in every game but the last. Ran himself into the ground before coming off and sparking up a Capstan full strength fag.

 

Thanks to Hancock for taking the pics at the start, good to see Craig Day(vid) back too.

 

Not sure if it will be enough to take us up, but we shouldn’t be going down after some great performances in Division 4.

Cheers Fairmer

 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Did Naeb'dy Bring their Firing Beets?!

41 D 1 L 2 3 points

Well it was decided late last night that it was time for Aberdeenshire’s very own Fairmer to type up the report this week yet again in the absence of anyone else who can type with more than just their right index finger.

Was great to read last week about the old Jam songs and it raised a fair bit of chuckle from most of the lads, especially the ones too young to remember who they were. The youthfulness of the current Elite team was in evidence yet again at the start of the evening last night, when the ref came off a previous game and started talking in his thick Aussie accent about the time “we” ran on the pitch after a victory at Wembley and tore up the pitch and broke the goalposts.

He was met with some very vacant looks from the Elite squad. He asked, “Come on lads, don’t you remember it? It was 1977, and after defeating the English WE all ran on and dug the pitch up. Who was born in 1977?” There weren’t many put their hands up, hence the vacant looks. The rest of us who were on earth at this point were perplexed as we couldn’t ever remember a rugby game being played at Wembley where the Aussie fans did the same as the Scots did. Surely he wasn’t a Scot????

Very little private emails this previous week, a few texts, but nobody with a shiny apple on the night, so no preferential treatment given to anyone this week regarding team selection.

A few old faces who had been missing for a long time returned to the fold including the most important squad member we have, the Elite cool box. It has been missing for some weeks now and was welcomed back with open arms by all the squad. Apparently it had been hiding in the back of Simon’s maids room. It was great to see it back and it was a welcome boost to the lads on another hot evening.

A full complement of teams in Div 4 so we were back to our normal 4 games of 8 minutes each for the first time in 3 weeks.

We sat out the first round of games and limbered up for our first game of the night against the Playas Club who had just been demoted from Division 3. Their first game ended prematurely as they were adjudged to have cheated (not half as bad as Kyle Laugherty, but cheated all the same). The ball went out at the touchline beside where the Elite were grouped. The Playas player kicked the ball back on from touch, Real Bad stopped claiming it had to be retaken properly and Playas scored. The referee, who had about as good a game as Stuart Dougal did at Ibrox on Saturday, walked back to the centre spot indicating a goal.

Real Bad, instantly become real pissed, and they walked off.

No idea what the outcome was, but I am guessing it was 2 points awarded to the Playas Club.

Our first game was starting with a strong Elite line up. Bubbles in goals, Chopper and Terry at the back, Sid in Midfield and Shando up front. We were pushing well early on when Playas came forward on the right hand side. The ball was sent in and seemed harmless enough until their attacker miss hit the ball. It wrong footed Bubbles and we were a goal down. Disappointing start but we were confident of getting an equalizer. We had a few good chances that were either well saved by their keeper or shots we tried to clear the school buildings with.

The game was drawing to a close with the Elite pushing hard for a goal. Bubbles was even playing as make shift sweeper with everyone up chasing the elusive equalizer. The ball then broke out of the Playas box and was hoofed up the pitch. Bubbles then came storming out of his box to challenge for the ball, only to lose out in the tackle. The Playas player couldn’t believe his luck as he rolled the ball into the empty net. Ref then blew seconds later and the first game ended in defeat for the Elite.

Onward and upward with the second game, this time against Real Bad. They had been promoted from Div 5 along with ourselves so we were both looking at this game as a must win if we were to have any chance of being promoted again in a couple of weeks time.

This game started off very well for the Elite with Bubbles having virtually nothing to do at all and the Elite keeping possession. The pressure was rewarded half way through the game when Shando collected the ball down the left side then passed the ball across the edge of the box for the onrushing Terry to slot the ball home.

Again the Elite kept the ball well and passed it through the team with a great deal of confidence. Shando was making some good runs and finding a lot of space down the left side in particular. Another long ball found him on the edge of the box where he took the ball forward to round the keeper. He appeared to only have to hit the target and it was game over, but put it out at the far side for a throw in. He later told me that the ball had in fact gone out and he wanted to retrieve it…..

The game ended with the Elite still retaining possession and it was first win of the night.

No rest for the wicked, so straight into game 3, this time against Norfolk & Chance. They have got to be the tallest team in the league. Great big gangly hoors, everyone of them.

This was a game we could have won 3 times over with the amount of chances we had. Everyone including Bubbles was having a pop at their goal. Unfortunately for us, their keeper either had a brilliant save, or we tried to hit some of the birds nesting in the trees behind the goals.

Chance after chance came and went for the Elite as we tried to see who could hit the ball the highest over the bar. Sid eventually won that little wager with a shot that still had snow on it when it came down.

N&C had a couple of chances that were comfortably dealt with by Chris in goals and the game ended goalless. No idea how it ended goalless with the chances we had, so it was a slightly disappointed Elite that trudged off the pitch at the end.

Never mind, another point and onto the next game.

Last game of the evening with Stevie Summers’ Seven Wonders.

The lead up to the game was dogged with transfer speculation concerning their young midfielder Kevin. Apparently he has had contact from the Elite regarding a possible transfer, but terms and conditions are still to be agreed and according to his agent, there are a few other teams chasing his signature. Watch this space for further news on this and any other transfer activity over the coming months as the Summer Transfer window opens in UAE.

Onto the game and Kevin was putting himself in the shop window with some neat touches that were allowing the SW’s a little more time on the ball than anyone at the Elite would have liked. They were controlling the game and had Elite doing most of the running. The goal eventually came for SW’s and the Elite were yet again left chasing the game.

SW’s seemed to change tactics after going a goal up as if they were managed by Jimmy Calderwood, and sat back on their lead. They seemed happy for the Elite to stroll forward with ease to take shots at their keeper. For the third game of the night though, we were finding a keeper in inspired form. When the shots weren’t on target, the lads were trying to beat the bench mark that Sid set in the previous game.

We weren’t hitting the target regular enough with the chances we had, and when we did, the keeper was equal to the task. We hit balls from everywhere on the pitch at the keeper, but alas it wasn’t to be.

Last game of the night ended with a defeat which was hard to take given the possession we had. If it had been a boxing match, we would have won by KO long time ago, such was the dominance of the Elite.

3 points for the night and looking forward to next week. No reason with a little more luck and better shooting in front of goal we can’t turn the slim defeats and draws into wins.   

Great effort from all lads involved last night :

Bubbles – Fit the f*ck were you dee’ing in the first game for the second goal? Other than that, great performance and good communications throughout. Also made some vital saves.

Chopper – Marshalled the team well from the back and could have had a couple of goals had the goals been rugby posts. Some great tackles.

Shando – PASSED the ball to Terry to score in the second game. Now had a couple of assists in previous weeks too. Made some great runs, but the ball was never out in the second game…..

Sid – Won the competition for the highest anyone could kick a ball but also put in a power of work in the middle. Unlucky with some shots that were well saved.

Terry – Ran non-stop the whole night. Looked knackered after the first game too. Added a lot of grit in the middle and got stuck in well.

Chopstix – Was also unlucky with a few shots that were well saved. Ran his heart out again and tracked back brilliantly when required.

Tinman – Great effort from tinners again last night. Covered a lot of the pitch and was unlucky not to score in the last game when he went on an incredible mazy run.

Satch – The old man in the team last night and rarely wasted a pass. Was always trying to keep things simple. Kept talking to those around him which was great to hear.

Thanks to Sye for taking along the cool box. Cheers to Beavis, Wayne, Mad Vlad and Andrew for the moral support.

Cheers Fairmer.

 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Thursday, 14 May 2009
The Bitterest Pill is Hard to Swallow

FELLOW Elitist's,

 

Yes it's true our wee pal Griftstix caught me bony last night and like him and his pal Yeatser like to do I will pull my pants down and explain what shook down.  Last night I called Keefy for a yap and he asked " Did you read the Feathers Report" to which I replied " Aye ah did, and was a bit surprised to see the JAM content running thorough it, jesus its spooky as we were listening to the JAM on the way to the fitba" only to realise that as soon as I said it " that you wee bleep bleep bleep you had a wee wordie with the Feather before the kick aff and it was nae spooky at all" you can imagine Normski chuckled for a whiley and all I could hear was " I GOT YOU I GOT YOU"  For the younger Elite that don't know who the JAM were I've attached a picture, they were a massive influence on the younger Chairman..... So onto the report and the fitba.

 

Great report Jeffo and I hope that Massey Fergie is taking notes and will include  as much imagination and razzmatazz in his report writing. Like the fitba Massie it has to flow baby and have some giggles in it.

 

Here is the Chairman's take on the evening.

 

 THEO II at long last the Elite have a replacement for THEO I and although you are a Celtic man I think its only fair that we call you THEO II. Great to see you getting involved & I hope you enjoyed your night.  Solid stuff fae the Bubbler, shot stopping, distribution, organising was all fantastic, and with him in the stix I can see the Elite back where we belong in no time. 10-10

CHESNEY - Speechless for once in my life the One & Only is mental, great night for the Chessers, great goal, great running, great tackling, great shirt pulling & great at loosing yer MAN. The Elite love Chessers and i'm glad his wife is letting him oot to play. 10 - 10

TINNERS -  OOF The Stork man played fantastico in the first 2 games but by game 3 it was like a scene oot oh Hansel & Gretel, Tinners was LOST but I'm letting you aff because you love the Elite and played magic in the first 2 games & YOU BLEW THE LEAGUE LAST NIGHT. 10-10

TORRY BATTERY - Big G is awesome and he's now El Capaitano, take note boys we are a better team with the HULK in it. SOLID performance fae the G-Man up till the last game when he shat his panties fae the boy on the wing !!!! 10-10 G - MAGICO

SATCHMO- Aye the Dizzy Man was back and full oh confidence and almost had us convinced he was ok until he was clean through on goal and blasted it miles over the bar, I think he had a funny turn so we will let him aff, Magic Satchmo you might be the oldest mate but your still my favourite. You are everything what this club is aboot - 10-10

CHOPPER - Same thing we say every 2nd week about Ryan fantastic and is it just me or are Ryan & Shando only turning up every second week ?? I hope know as we are always better when Ryano is playing, Great goal / pass to Shando and never put a foot wrong. 10-10

SHANDO - magic in the first game played more like the Shando we used to know and just got better as the night went on. Linked up & help up well and slotted home his chances when they came. Nae excuses next week 10-10

THE SPELLING MAN - Last but not least my wee Jamming pal, you tried yer heart oot min, scored a good goal BUT I'm at a loss how you failed to hear the shouts and the boy catching up to you when you were 1on1 with the keeper only for the loon to nip it aff yer taes for a corner.Great to see you back and the spelling of CLOWN will long stay with me.

Sidelines, Massie Fergie, Chairman & his loons, Mike Ritchie & The Feather -  Great support and loads oh laughs boys, Thank you

NORTHERN ELITE FC -  JOINT MOTM 

Well done boys its always better when we win but its easier to win when we are having a laugh.  FUN & POSSESSION was the name of the game on Tuesday night and long may it continue if it does then maybe the FAIRMERS SHOOGLY NAIL WILL BE RAMMED BACK IN.

So boys I'm going to Beat a Surrender and get ready for a round oh golf, have a great weekend and who know maybe some of us will get together for the fitba,

 Live Long & Prosper.

 THE CHAIRMAN 

  MISSING ELITE GET BACK NEXT WEEK & TERRY NAE MARE JACKANORIES

 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Daily Sport - The Chairman's View

Hello Sportsfans,

 

Well done on stopping the wrought that has seen us plummet faster than the cost of houses in Dubai. It's been a funny old few weeks for the Elite and the last time I watched the club I was left sad & hurt and how shite we were and how badly we let each other down on the park. On that same night myself, Y- Cardy & Griftstix went back to the Ranches for a few pints and watch the fitba and proceeded in having a great laugh. Laughing is what this Club is all about loons and I was left scratching my noodle thinking WHY WHY WHY......

 

Its been a funny few weeks for the Chairman too with plenty of golf being played and plenty oh laughs with some of the boys one of whom is our very own Grifter. The big man has been up and doon like a hoors g-string these last few weeks but has maintained the smile on his face and with luck he's turned the corner and will be able to stay in Dubai. Its his news boys but keep your fingers crossed for him this week, I am.

 

I was encouraged to read & hear that we were starting to have a laugh again and appear to be enjoying our fitba, thank christ as "The Fairmers" coat was on a shoogly nail that could have seen him demoted to "Sponge Bob"

 

I'm not sure where all the missing Elite are but I'm happy to report that " Bubbles" is fit and raring to play for the Elite again. Nice one Chris see you next week.

 

So onto last night,

 

999 - Made some good stops but as we have all become accustomed too played some suicide fitba which put his team mates under heaps oh pressure. He's 100% Elite old Simon and on the night -  7-10

Tin Man - Great to see the Stork Like presence of the Tinners boy back in the ranks and he played magic well he could have done better when he raced doon the line only to realise that he was slower than the worlds economy and fell flat on his face to much amusement fae the sidelines. Great effort Storko  and magic to see you back  8-10

Chesney- Been said before and I will say it again HE IS THE ONE & ONLY and the way he man handled the Pre Madonna off the ball resulting in oor Chesser getting his marching orders just shows that he is truly one oh us. Well done the Chesney.  9 1/2 - 10

Hancock -  I've said this before an ah oor Hanners is Mental I've nae idea what was going on last night but I loved every minute of it. Highlight for me was when Big G scored the first and Hanners let out this yowl that had the ref shaking his noodle and the sidelines shaking with laughter. Well done you crazy bast..d  9-10

Griter - The Nigg bay Lighthouse loves his fitba and played good simple stuff last night. It was joy to see him having a alugh with the troops and his " spin class" thing almost had me crying.  The Elite would be a sad place without you Marty your wee pal Griftstix would have been proud oh you last night 9 3/4- 10

No 9. One of the original Elite Brucy baby was ace last night and he did everything right, scored a goal & run his heart oot, well done pal almost got my MOM -  9.9 - 10

Beavis-  Showed signs last night that he can play with the way he slipped past the fat orange thing and scored what was a great goal BUT he must learn to pass I know its hard for strikers to pass but look up min and keep it simple. 9-10

Big G, BeetleMan, Torry Battery yep you guessed it last but not least our very own Puffing Billy was in my opinion magic last night, now he will disagree but his leadership skills and will to win  is exactly what the Elite needs. His goal last night was magic and his positioning and tackles were a joy to watch. If oor Hulk can get a wee bit fitter then Tuesday fitba for the Elite will be a lot easier.  WELL DONE FATTY 10 - 10 MOM

Big shout loons to Satchmo I had no idea oor Kev was sick last week and I was scared for him when I heard about it. Thank .... your ok Satchmo and I'm saving the best bit of the night for last. This was when I knew for sure that you were OK. So after the games the Elite did the usual walk past the troops with the diver getting plenty oh stick which made the Elite laugh and it continued into Grift telling stories about how much he loves MEL, Wedding plans, SPIN Classes etc only for No 9 to ask " can she reach the peddles" to which the Black man without missing a beat come back with " she has a tricycle" maybe does nae sound funny boys but it was & is up there with one oh the best for a while. I almost shat myself.....

 So boys thanks for the laughs and 4 wins next week is easy. 

 Oh and Scotty Boy this is yer last chance pal the bets are on that you will not turn up next week which is sad when you think about the warm weclome you got from the boys and to put more pressure on you, how can you turn your back on the Reds and sleep at night ?????? You should take a leaf out of Yeatsers book...

 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
A Weird Night

P 5 W 1 D 2 L 2 = 5 points  Game week 1

1-1,  3-0, 1-2, 3-0, 1-1  

Confused by the amount of games and points? Read on……

 

Last night was a very weird night.

It started off with nobody knowing which set of pitches we were meant to be playing on. The Elite had turned up in numbers around 6.30pm to be met with empty car parks at both schools. Grifter then called up Davey the organizer who said we were playing at the top set of pitches. We all hot footed it down to the top car park to be told by the copper that we were not entering the premises without a pass. We sat and waited with more and more of the other teams arriving. Still no sign of Davey.  Eventually one other team member called him up to be told we were at the wrong school and needed to go down to the pitches we were on during April. Everyone jumped into cars and like something out of the movie classic Convoy, we headed down to the other school. The copper there had obviously been called by his mate at the other gate and he had the same stance, no pass, no entry. More and more people were showing up and starting to play with a football outside the gate. At this point, it was noted by Beavis, that Grifter looked as if he had Wurzel Gummidge changeable feet. His lower legs were quite tanned all the way down to his ankles where there was a distinct line then white feet. Grifter pointed out that this was due to the amount of golf he was playing right now and that maybe he should start playing in his flip flops, not only to even up the tan for his future roles in porn films, but it might also give Y Cardy a chance at beating him in the next golf match they play together. Beavis had a better idea though, He would just lend Grifter some of his own fake tan, so that he could cover up the white feet and everybody would be happy. Well the idea certainly made a few of the Elite happy.

Finally Davey showed up had a quick discussion with the cop and funnily enough, we were all granted entry without one pass between anyone.

As per last week, there was a poor turn-out watching from the sidelines. Obviously our recent dip in form during April is affecting even the hardiest of supporters and it was obvious to see from the poor attendance that we need to win the fans back and fast.

Davey then announced that there were only 6 teams had bothered to show up from divisions 5 and 6. There should have been 10. He had decided that we would all play 5 matches by playing all the teams that had come. Only the games played against teams from the same division would count for points in the league standings and all teams that showed up would start off on four points. Confused? Aye well you will know how we all felt to start with, but we knew which teams were in our division, so we knew which ones would count.

First game of the night was against a fellow Division 5 team, HSBC. They were a right bunch of bankers. We lined up for the kick off the ball was won by No.9 who played it square to Big G. He took the ball for a little run, shot and scored. It probably took you longer to read that sentence than it did for it to actually happen. Probably the quickest goal we have ever scored. The Elite took great confidence from the early goal and were playing well for the majority of the match. We then had a slight slip and gave the bankers too much time on the ball. They came forward and as always seems to happen to us, their one shot on goal resulted in them scoring.

Game ended 1-1 and we had the first earned point of the night.

Second game was against DX from division 6 and gave us a chance to have a bit of shooting and saving practice. This game was not counting for any points, so it was good to play with a grin and not worry too much regarding the result. Goals from Tinman, Beavis and a superb lob from No.9  ensured the Elite won comfortably with a 3-0 scoreline actually flattering DX.

Next game up was again against a division 6 team, Mace. Apparently they had been up morning noon and night, so again, it was a chance for us to go out and enjoy the game. We actually lost the game 2-1, there first goal coming from a great strike. Beavis scored the only goal for the Elite with a great turn and finish. Not to worry, again, the game didn’t really count, so no point getting upset about losing a meaningless game.

Fourth game of the night and it was against fellow Division 5 team, Real Bad. The things that were real bad about this game were the ref, our defending and the final scoreline. We lost 3-0 but their first “goal” didn’t even go in. A shot was fired in that Sye was helpless to stop, it hit the under side of the bar, and bounced about 3 feet away from the goal line in the box. The Elite broke forward from the rebound and Tinners then slotted the ball home. The ref eventually pulled the game back to tell us we had actually conceded a goal! Absolutely unf*cking believable. There was no way it was a goal and it was an incredible decision to go against us. The heads went down and we ended up losing another two goals. The game ended 3-0 to Real Bad and didn’t exactly give us the boost we wanted against one of our division 5 rivals.

Last game of the night was against fcek of Division 6. The final score was 1-1 with the only real point to note that fcek should have turned up wearing speedos, not shorts. One guy in particular did such a spectacular dive, that his closed pike followed by two and a half full somersaults was greeted by ecstatic applause and high scores from the Elite bench. This earned Chesney a two minute sin bin entry and ultimately put him out of the game for the remaining time left. The guy’s second dive of the night was not so spectacular and ended in a belly flop that this time didn’t even impress the ref.

All in all a successful night in gaining 5 points. Satisfactory haul and puts us in a good position going into week 2. Team spirit was evident in a lot of the games and it was a generally good all round performance by all concerned.

Kudos to Hancock, Grifter, Beavis, Tinman, Big G, Lee, Sye and Chesney for the effort yet again.

Support from the touchlines came from Mad Vlad, Dillon, Satch and Wullie (taking in his hopefully first of many Elite games). Cheers Lads

Looking forward to another rake of points next week to push us up a league.

 

‘MON THE ELITE!


Posted by dubainefc at 3:08 PM
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Bring on May!

P 4 W 2 D 1 L 1 = 5 points  Game week 2, Total of 6 points

 

1-1,  1-0, 2-1, 1-2  

Much more like the Elite of Old, but probably not enough to keep us in Div.4 Unfortunately.

 

Right lads, for those of you that didn’t make it along last night, you missed one of the best nights in a long while. The guys battled for everything, tracked back for everything, hustled during all 4 games, and did it all with a smile. It was great to witness.

Recent results obviously affected the crowd on the sidelines ready to cheer on the boys in red. A disappointing turn out of one (not directly connected with the NE) witnessed some of the best football played by the boys in weeks.

A little bit of a scare at the start for the fairmer when the handing out of the strips had to be delayed by 7 minutes due to the late arrival of Chopstix and Y Cardy. Slapped wrists was the punishment handed out to both players even though Y Cardy claimed it wisna his fault and was the fault of the Dwarf driving. Apparently he had trouble reaching the throttle peddle.

Last weeks’ games showed that even though we were in Div 4, there were no easy games. Changes were made again to the squad, with Sye, Tinman, Chesney and Big G all coming into the 8.

The first game was against Norfolk & Chance who had beaten us heavily last week. This week rather than going all out for the wins, we played it a lot tighter, by playing two at the back with one of the defenders making forward runs whenever they could to support the midfield. This was working well as the Elite was keeping possession and frustrating the opposition. The only thing that didn’t seem to be working was the lead inserts that Chopper had obviously had inserted into the toes of his boots. The ball was apparently too light…….Anyway, we then had a moment where we switched off and allowed N&C their one shot on goal. Unfortunately it slid under Sye in goals and we were 1-0 down. The heads stayed up and we were rewarded with a great goal courtesy of some fantastic passing from the back that culminated in Chopstix slotting the ball home. Young Andrew on the sidelines was going mental after witnessing the Elite double their “goals scored” tally for Division 4 in only the first game of the week. The Elite kept pressing, but unfortunately didn’t get the winning goal their play deserved. The lads came off a little disappointed, but our tails were up.

Full time 1-1

Next game was against the Locker Room. They don’t seem the same team without Thumper at the back, but the wounds were still healing from last week where we had been thrashed 5-1 by the same team. The Elite got straight into them from the off and the two at the back was working well. We weren’t committing so many bodies forward and it ensured we weren’t leaving the defence and goalkeeper facing two marauding forwards every time we lost possession in the other half of the pitch. The game was very even with the Elite having a few chances breaking forward coming to nothing. Then came Big G. He picked the ball up in the middle of the pitch and with the Locker room standing off him, he unleashed a shot that sailed past the keeper and into the net. The crowd on the side went into raptures as the players tracked back for the re-start. The rest of the game was all about keeping things tight at the back for the Elite and the players did that superbly.

Full time 1-0 and the first win of the night for the Elite.

Our rest game was once we had played all 4, so it was straight into the third game against Jossie’s Giants. We battered them last week and still managed to get beat 1-0 which was very hard to take, so we had a point to prove. Again, we started well passing the ball about confidently when Tinman burst forward from defence. Y Cardy was screaming for the ball on the right side, but Tinners ignored him completely and unleashed a superb shot into the net from all of 10 yards out. Y Cardy still seemed to be having a go during the celebrations, but this was Tinners moment and he wasn’t caring. The game then got very scrappy with a few dodgy incidents particularly involving Chopper and their centre forward. Chopper definitely was having the measure of the forward and he was getting more and more agitated. The ball then broke on the left touchline and using all of his experience, Chopper invited the forward into one last rash challenge where he aimed a kick at the Elite player. It was right in front of the ref, and he was sin binned for two minutes. He took a while to go off as he was arguing and shouting obscenities to the ref and the Elite touchline. He then came back on the pitch but was promptly sent back to the sidelines by the alert ref as the game was offering to boil over. The Elite were using their one man advantage well and started pushing for a second goal that would put the game beyond the reach of J’sG. While the Elite were pushing forward, we again committed too many men forward and were caught short at the back. J’sG went through and equalized the scoring when still down to 4 men. This was a blow, but it only got the Elite more determined. The 5th man was waived to come on again and both teams were back at 5 each. The Elite kept pressing forward and were rewarded again after some slick passing through the pitch ended with a sweet finish by Y Cardy. The J’sG were not finished being dirty bassas though, and this was proved as a second player was sent off for the remainder of the game for another rash challenge followed by another volley of insults at the ref. The game went on without further incident and the Elite recorded their second win of the night.  

Full time 2-1

Straight into the last game against the young lads of The Gent’s Club. As discussed last week, this was a bit like Gary Glitter and his gang, but they have some pretty decent young players amongst them who are lightening quick as we were about to discover to our cost. They started brightly as the heroes in red were showing some tired legs. We kept our shape pretty well more to do with people having run their hearts out in the previous 3 games rather than listening to anything I had said and we weren’t making so many forward runs. We were also trying to frustrate the GG’sG but they were making some good runs through the Elite defence. The inevitable then happened and we went 1-0 down. Again the team spirit shown was fantastic, and the Elite pushed on for an equalizer. The pressure paid off and Y Cardy grabbed a second goal of the night when he slotted home to level the scores. The lads were tiring and GG’sG were making more and more runs into the Elite box. A shot then went in from the right edge of the box that went straight through the legs of Sye in goals to put us a goal down for the second time in the game. The Elite still pushed forward in search of a second equalizer, and with the last attack of the game, Shando sent a superb ball across the box only for Chopstix to be a fanny hair away from connecting and sending it into the empty net. The ref then blew for full time and the Elite had suffered their first and only defeat of the night.

Full Time 1-2

Last night was chalk and cheese compared to the last few weeks. The crack was great (discussing Grifter’s future in porn as well as Y Cardy running about in the skud yet again while changing) but more importantly, the team spirit was back. As I said at the start, the lads fought hard for one another in every game and that was brilliant to see. Keep it up please.

Kudos to Chopper, Yeatser, Shando, Chopstix, Sye, Tinman, Big G and Chesney for the effort yet again. Superb lads.

Good support again from the touchlines from Grifter, Lee and Andrew, thanks very much.

 

‘MON THE ELITE!

The Fairmer 



Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Thursday, 23 April 2009
April is just not our month

P 4 W 0 D 1 L 3 = 1 point  Game week 1

0-1,  0-0, 1-4, 1-5  

ANYONE UP FOR THE RANCHES PUB QUIZ NEXT TUESDAY NIGHT?

 

Well then lads, as per usual the effort from all the lads that showed up last night was exemplary. This can never ever be questioned. Last night was a night of two halves, where we were unlucky not to have won the first two games, but were nowhere near it in the second two.

As per last week, there was a very good turn out on the sidelines ready to cheer on the boys in the famous red shirts. We were close to at least matching our biggest crowd of the season (last week) with 8 lads supporting on the touchline.  There was a bit of a competition going on with No.9 and the Jnr. Fairmer who turned 12 in December. Apaprently Jnr. reckoned he had more hair on his chin than No.9 even though No.9 had now went 15 weeks without shaving. I didn’t want to take sides as it was too close to call. 

First time in Division 4 for the Fairmer, so unknown territory for me. I did hope that things would be slightly easier than last week though, as we were up against some tidy teams last week in Div.3. One major change for the Elite was to hand Grifter the keepers jersey after a stunning 3 minute performance last week where he kept a clean sheet.

In our first game we were up against Jossie’s Giants who had just been promoted from Division 5. The Elite started with a very strong team and were well in control of the game at the early stages. Y Cardy looked on fire as he was spraying balls all over the pitch as well as peppering the JG’s goal. We were really showing the newly promoted lads how to play and I felt that we really had to make all our possession count. We continued to pound the JG goal with nothing going in for us. 7 of the 8 minutes gone and we had pretty much everyone other than Grifter having shots at their goal. The seconds ticked away and with three players caught in the JG half, the ball came over the top and was met by one of their players, he took a touch then calmly slotted it past Grifter in the goal. This was very hard to take due to the amount of pressure we had on their goal. Hit by the classic sucker punch.

Full time 0-1

We seemed disappointed but definitely not down as it was such an injustice that we were beaten the lads seemed even more fired up for the second game. This was against The Gent’s Club. No idea where the name came from as it looked like a certain shamed 70’s pop star and a group of his mates. The keeper was about 20 stone and around mid to late 40’s. The rest of the team looked on average………………..12. This was going to be a difficult game as we had seen them in previous weeks and they had some tidy 12 year olds playing for them, but they were kids. The game was a little more even with their youthful exuberance showing, they were making some very clever runs through the Elite defence. Luckily for the Elite, Grifter was playing very well in goals again and was making some vital stops to keep them from scoring. The Elite were pressing hard and ref Davie seemed a little more than lenient towards the youngsters. They appeared to get a lot of decisions that might not have been given had it been men that were playing. The game neared the end with neither side managing to break the deadlock. In the dying seconds, Shando was sent through and as he fired towards the goal, the ball came off the post and went out for a goal kick. There wasn’t even enough time to take the resultant goal kick as the ref blew his whistle for full time.

Full time 0-0 and the first point on the board for the Elite.

No rest for the wicked as they say, and onwards to the 3rd game against Norfolk & Chance (say it slowly). We started well but were soon 1 down when we left Jeffo cruelly exposed at the back on his own to cover two players. They played a one two and we were already chasing the game. Straight from the restart though, we stormed up the park and Y cardy slotted the ball home for our first goal of the night. Almost as fast as we had equalized, we found ourselves again behind. Same again leaving one player back, losing possession in the oppositions half and we are left with a one on two situation at the back. N&C took full advantage. Yet again, we let our hearts rule our heads and all headed forward for an equalizer chasing the game. N&C were now managing to pick the Elite off at will by lobbing the ball over the half way line and leaving a one on two situation nearly every time. It was catch 22. We chased after the game, we lost another goal. The third goal from N&C though needs a special mention. We managed to track back this time well and pushed their player wide left. He was nearly at the corner flag, when he chipped the ball across and actually lobbed Grifter in goal. It was a goal that had even the staunchest Elite fan applauding from the sidelines. N&C then got another goal to compound our misery.

Full time 1-4

We had a break in the games at this point, and had a team talk to discuss the failings of the previous game. Jeffo was rightly calling the shots. We were all chasing the ball and leaving one guy back every time. Every team we played could see this, and as soon as we lost possession, the ball came over the half way line, we had one player left and ultimately lost a goal. We were being punished pretty much every time it happened. The key was to not all rush forward at once and when we did get the ball hold onto it to allow the rest of the team to move forward. Everyone nodded in agreement with Jeffo’s wise words and it seemed fully understood by all.  

Spirits were high though, and this was shown when chopstix was running around throwing some of Y Cardy’s arse hair into the air. Y Cardy had fashioned a new style of shorts that unfortunately for the rest of us, showed most of his rear end. A comment was made regarding the fact that he had more hair on his arse than he had on his head and chopstix decided he would remove some. I think he wanted to try and transplant it to Y Cardy’s head. Whatever the reason, there was arse hair flying about everywhere and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

We took to the pitch for our last game of the night against our old adversaries, the Locker Room. Thumper was conspicuous with his absence from the Locker room team although they had managed to pick up one of the FA coaches that train the Jnr. Fairmer. This was a must win game for us and we started with as strong a team as we could. Y Cardy was still sporting the smallest pair of shorts in the world that almost hid something that roughly resembled a penis, only much much smaller (so I was told anyway, it was too disgusting to look myself). Flashes were going off all through the crowd with cameras being used non-stop. No doubt Facebook is about to be removed from the world wide web this morning for posting indecent pictures.

Anyway, the game was crap. Everything that Jeffo had said prior to the game was ignored and we were caught time and time again. One note on the substitution rule as we had yet another mix up in this game very similar to last week. A change can only be made once the ball goes out of play. At that point, a change can be made. A player cannot go on the field until the ball goes out ,therefore the player going off, should stay on until that point. We were never at the races in this game at all. Shando pulled a late consolation goal back for the Elite later on but we were never going to get anything back after going behind so heavily early on.

Full Time 1-5

Another disappointing evening but no point feeling sorry for ourselves.  

The crack was there, but the team spirit didn’t appear to be.

Kudos to Jeffo, Grifter, Beavis, Chopper, Yeatser, Lee, Shando and Chopstix for the effort yet again.

Good support again from the touchlines from Tinman, Hancock, Mad Vlad, Glen, Ethan (sp?) Steve, Gavin and Andrew.

Hard week ahead of us next week lads, but if we can get back some of the team spirit we displayed in bucket loads earlier in the year, no reason why we can’t have a good night next week.

 

‘MON THE ELITE!

--the fairmer 


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
CONSISTENCY IS NOT THE ELITE?S MIDDLE NAME

P 4 W 0 D 1 L 3 = 1 point  Game week 2

 

0-1,  0-0, 1-2, 4-0  

6 POINTS TOTAL, STARING DIVISION 4 IN THE FACE?

 

Well then lads, yet again a great effort from all the lads that showed up last night. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it wasn’t our night although this time, a lot of it was down to us, rather than us just being unlucky like a few weeks back. Having said that, looking at the teams in the group, this could easily have been a Division 2 group, or maybe even a Division 1 group, such were the strength of all the teams in it.

The lads were all in high spirits as per normal which was great to see. Apparently there had been a small matter of a golf game the previous weekend and our resident golf pro Grifter, had taken a bit of a thumping from Mad Vlad and Bronski MkII. This was only mentioned a thousand or so times prior to the first game and Bronski Mk II even wore a new T shirt to commemorate the win.

Beavis has obviously been taking the advice on cross dressing at the football and decided to leave his wife’s new outfit at home rather than wearing it and showing it off to all the lads. Good call Lionel.

The old Bronski watch has obviously been cast aside by all as we were all there well on time prior to KO which was great to see.

Our first game kicked off against Vaxim Divar. Jeffo was constantly telling everyone how Divar would play the game by keeping possession then knocking it long to one guy in particular who would be running the wing. He would then cut inside and score. They do this every game.

We started well and Divar seemed to be giving us plenty of possession without actually seriously threatening their goal.

Divar then knocked the ball long to one guy in particular who was running down the right wing. He then cut inside and slotted the ball past Hancock who was left exposed at the back. They had done it yet again. The Elite continued to push forward when Divar tried the same trick again. This time, Hancock was aware of the threat and was quick out of his box to thwart the attack. Unfortunately for Colin, handling the ball between the box and the half way line isn’t legal. Dave the ref gave a direct free kick to Divar and sent off Hancock for the remainder of the game. This seemed harsh due to the fact that Hancock had done the same two weeks ago twice and only received one free kick against. Anyway, No.9 came off and made way for Grifter who went straight into goals. He made a good save from the free kick and the Elite pushed forward even at a man down to try and get a goal back. We were always being pushed back and in the dying seconds Grifter did brilliantly pushing a vicious shot onto the post to keep the score down. Final whistle blew and first game ended without any points.

The guys came off a little down, but they had competed well especially when we went a player down. No disgrace losing to Divar at anytime with 5 players let alone 4.

We then had the one match break and were trying to gather our thoughts going into the second game.

The second game was against the league 3 leaders, and probably the dirtiest team I have had the misfortune to watch on a Tuesday night, ALA Goblins. I actually half expected Graeme Souness and Terry Hurlock to show up as subs for this team, they are that bad.

We started well against the Goblins and were pushing them about, showing who was actually boss. A couple of really crude challenges by one of their players had Shando’s back up. I wasn’t sure if he was more worried about the kicks he was taking or about dirtying his new boots. The ref in the second game seemed a lot more lenient than Dave in the first game as the challenges continually went unpunished. This seemed to let the Goblins think that they could get away with it and they continued throughout the game. Beavis and Lee also were at the end of some heavy challenges, again nothing being done about it. Credit to all the lads who managed to keep their cool during this game as it was difficult for us on the touchline not to run on and nut anyone playing in black strips. The game was pretty much played in the middle of the pitch as both teams struggled to test either keeper.

Game ended at 0-0 and the first point was on the board for the night.

Next game was against the Locker Room who were sitting bottom of the group after not turning up last week.

I always enjoy being involved with the Locker Room due to the Scandinavian lad, Thumper, at the back. He is so easily wound up and I was looking forward to a few more of his attempts to break his own wrist by pounding the pitch when either they miss chances or f*ck things up. He seemed particularly happy this week, as he seemed to have new shiny plastic red boots.

We were playing well against the Locker room when they scored completely against the run of play. Thumper was jumping up and down like a rabid rabbit in heat. Prick. Instead of the heads going down though, the Elite continued to push forward and chance after chance was spurned.

No.9 then came off the bench to collect the ball on the left wing. He cut inside and unleashed a cracking shot that the keeper could only have dreamt to save. It almost burst the net and took the Elite level. Again Thumper attempted to punch a hole in the pitch to everyone’s delight concerned with the Elite. We kept pushing forward at every opportunity as a couple of other great chances went begging including a cracking shot from No.9 that came back off the bar.

Then came Thumper’s crowning glory moment.

He picked the ball up inside his own box, he then seemed to Wayne Sleep esque dance his way past the entire Elite team and slotted the ball past Hancock at the back. The standard pitch thumping was greeted with disgust on the Elite touchline especially as the final whistle blew seconds after the restart.

Final Score 1-2 to Locker Room.

Into the last game against Stevie Summers’ Seven Wonders.

We really needed to get something form this game as we were staring Division 4 in the face. The guys were well up for it and were knocking the ball about well. SW then took the lead, simple ball through the heart of the Elite midfield had a two against one at the back and the ball was behind Hancock for the 4th time on the night. Again, the heads didn’t go down and we were pushing for an equalizer.

No.9 was sent on to try and add a bit of fight from the midfield area. Unfortunately right at the exact moment, Satch, who had run himself into the ground all night, signaled he needed subbed. He went off at the far side of the pitch as Shando was sent on to go upfront and try and rattle up the SW. Total confusion then ensued as SW complained to the ref we had 6 players on the pitch, so Shando walked off. He was sent back on by Fairmer who was trying to give instructions to No.9 to tell him where he was playing. Everyone seemed to stop on the spot as the ref shouted play on. The only team that appeared to hear that was SW, and they promptly strolled forward to slot in the second goal of the game.

The heads went down a little understandably and we then lost another two goals to compound our misery.

Final score 0-4 and the Elite trudged off the pitch for the last time on the night.

Again, a very disappointing outcome to the evening.

The crack was there, but the team spirit that was there a few weeks ago didn’t seem to surface a lot last night. No idea why, it just didn’t seem to be as evident as it has been in the past few weeks. We win as a team and we lose as a team.

Quodos to Jeffo, Hancock, Beavis, Grifter, Satchmo, Lee, Shando and Chopstix.

Good support again from the touchlines from Mad Vlad, Dillon, Jake and Andrew. It probably isn’t enough to keep us in the 3rd Division but no point crying about it, we need to pick ourselves back up and get back to where we belong.

P.S. This was Wullie after being told that we might fall another division. His response was “C’mon the Elite, onward and upward!” 

God knows best lads….unless it comes to keeping the two Jimmies in a job of course……

 
--"The Fairmer"

Posted by dubainefc at 3:03 PM

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