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Northern Express
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
"If you have a problem , and no-one else can help , maybe you can hire...

...Grifters "A" Team"

Reporter- B.A. Baracus

Well here it is, the final report of this season and am pure beamin` wi delight so I am . As usual No 9 turned his back on the report ( has he ever feckin done one ) so its up to the player/coachio to take over the reigns . Nae sure im gonna be upto the task of last weeks sterling effort form the grifstix , but will give it a bash .

2nd game in charge for the shoogly nail Griftario and a helluva team to choose from . few dropouts early doors , 999 was buying a new 950Cc yugo atlantic for his missus , sid phoned and said he had swine flu ( cnut`s shagged heaps o pigs right enough ) and chooper just cancelled , nae explanatiion or nowt . Although he`s forgiven after giving us the comedy highlight of the season when he knocked a wee punjab keeper intae next week wi a rocket o` a free kick . Again , the technical director was missing and no communication prior to the game , Im actually thinking of dropping Y-Cardy from this posittion and replacing him with the fairmer , after his inglorious sacking/dismissal/resignation he`s been present at both games offering advice and support to the griftario , so im chewing that over .

Anyways , safe in the knowledge that ma new showbox was recording emmerdale , coronation street and eastenders , my head was clear enough to concentrate on pure tactics .

Nae shitttin masel the night as I strode onto the playing area to see the gleaming napper of No 9 sporting a pair of straight fae the sandilands catwalk denim cut offs ( think george michael in the club tropicana video and you get my drift . He wis informed straight away that he wis drapped only to counter that " I think you should drap beavis cos he`s pish " again I was taken aback at the vehemnt attack on one of hias own , but thats what we`ve come to expect from Mr Cruickshank .

Everyone stripped , including hancock (which did`nt look justified until the 2nd game for 12 seconds ) and we were rarin` to go , the warm ups started early with the beavis getting everyone involved in a game of pass and go . The coach was screaming for a wee bash at 3 `n` in but naebody was havin it . Now , at this point I was ready to drop soemone for the good of the team and play masel , only for beavis to return the strips with one sock missing ( im sure he done this to ensure he got picked , but after his displays in all the games ( barring the gola(s) ) he is sorely mistaken .

So onto the games boys and heres how the evening panned out . 1 No Show ( gooners ) so straight onto 8 points .

Game 1- Score- 4 nil us (I think) vs Poona Boys
Marble man and Craig Dayyyyyyyyyyyyvvvvvvvvvvvvviiiiiiiid up front in this one with chesser and tinners at the back . Shot off the blocks in this one and scored within 2 minutes , think it was el-tel bagging the first , craigy boy got one in there , as did beavis . Played the sort of controlled football you only see in the south american leagues and easily played this team aff the park . Rotated all subs to keep everyone fresh , No 9 as tireless as ever hassling every bugger on the park ( even his gaffer ) beavis with his usual newly born gazelle runs and hancock providing the laughs by man marking chesney every time he came on
Game Highlight- Hancock man - marking chesney

Game 2- Score 1-1( i think ) them vs I-Guzzini
Tidy team these lot and they showed it from the off . We were keeping our shape well and breaking them down , but there passing was as slick as the back o my calvins efter a night oot wi cooper and they suckered us into 2 on 1 and scored . We were still playing slick football after this and kept our shape well enough , and lo and behold hancock slid a sliderule pass into the goal , celebrations all round for a share of the points.
Game Highlight- Hancock evading chesneys to score

Game 3- Score 2-1 ??????them vs An even bigger dolph lundgren look-a-like
Started well enough with our passing being present again , but these guys were , to be fair , a strong and skillful side , with possibly the biggest cnut i`ve ever seen at the 5s ( apart fae beavis ) who basically had an arse wi ats ain po.box and kept shoving it intae chessers baws ( now it wisnae jist me , the fairmer nboticed a smile on chessers face ) we lost 2 stupid goals , battled well , got our passing game the getherand were unlucky nae to get a draw oot o this one .
Game Highlight- Hancock man - marking chesney again

Played 3, Won 1 , drew 1 , Lost 1- Division 4 here we come !!!


Tinman-   Another great nights graft fae the storkmeister general , kept it nice and easy at the back , linked well with craigy boy . 9.5/10

Chesney- Excellent nights work from the one and only , read the game great , organised when had to and a few lung bursting runs , 9.5/10

Beavis Mackie- A better player when he stops the stupid flickas and tricks , I`ve said it so often , simple passing and keep your head up . Tireless legs again fae beavis , banged in the goals and linked well with terry/craig boy 9.5/10

Hancock- Was always up for it and available , running never stopped and took his goal with his usual aplomb . Take a bow hancock . 9.5/10

No 9 -   This boys like feckin ronseal ......he does exactly what it says on the tin , never stopped running and hassling all night , missed a few but created one or 2 also . Stronger in the challenge than I`ve peviously seen him , I think he`s started that 100 % whey protein shakes cos he wis lookin ripped and buff last night 9.5/10

Marble Man - This guy is awesome !!!!!!!!absolutley dominated the middle / front of the park along with his sidekick ( See below ) and terrorised every defence we played against . So close to be ing MOTM , but hace to settle for 2nd place El Tel . Think he`s going to destroy the oman boys the morra night , dependant on the gaffers tractics .........9 and 3 quarters ( canna find the symbol ) / 10

Craigy Boy - Started every game with him and tel up front  and what a difference it made to the team , the back 2 have confidence in going forward with these pair in the team , they link up as if they ken ESP and the goals they contribute are fantastic . Craigy boy had another great night , never stopped battling and I think he played 2 full games ( 24 mintues of solid running and tackling in that humidity , hats off boys ) .

Don't call me 'Bubbles' Mcstay- yes guys , MOTM in my view was this boy . few reasons , he can read the game brilliantly , he can sweep when space is created , hes a shot stopper ( 3 I remember last night which were immense , nae kiddin ) never stops yappin to the boys in front ..........................................and he knocks wifeys oot fae the middle o` the park .......

I continue .......Last game , bubbles gets a free kick efter shreks ugly brother took him oot the game again ......he grabs the ba` , steps up and whoosh ......just skims the bar ..............a bird behind the goals standing side on chatting to her pals got it full on , feet aff the deck in a`thin , it was aceix , am nae jokin , an absolute belter .

Anyways , shite report as nae time so from me lads , thank you for the finsih to the season , special mention to the fairmer ( he knows why , cheers pal ) and see yous thursday night ........Wantin` A`body up for it .......

I pity the fool that disnae turn up ....


B.A. Baracus

mmense from start to finish, shot stopping silky passing, there's a reason he says he's a keeper... It's cause feckin is!!!!!
Sideline Army-
Hancock, Chairman, Shando, Beetle juice G, Fairmer and for most of game 3 Chopstix!

Onwards we go lads and lets get behind the team next week for the final chapter of Elite Of Hazzard....Yeeehah!!!!

Over and out Rosco P Coltrane Pole position Number 5 for a shot ay Mel !!!!!

Love you Grifter

Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM

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