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Northern Express
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Not One of Our Better Nights

4 W 0 D 0 L 4 0 points -  Total of 4 points for the two weeks.


Tuesday morning started off incredibly.

I had 14 names on the team sheet and was really looking forward to a great evening of football with the Elite pushing for a place in division 3. I was worried about who to leave out. That job got easier during the course of the day.

By 5pm, I was down to seven players. Work will always unfortunately take its toll on the Elite, especially with a lot of us working in the very unpredictable oil industry and this can’t be helped, but it was looking worrying none the less.


The seven guys that did show up were joined by the Chairman in pulling on the famous red strip.


The crack was tremendous early on prior to the games starting as it always is. Grifter was obviously still working in modeling as he turned up wearing the latest summer collection, as well as smelling like a Russian Lady of the night handbag. Was great to see No.9 back after a long absence, and it looked as if he hadn’t been away as he got torn right in.


There was mention of the proposed gay disco by the fairmer from the Chairman who was bursting to tell all, only to look on in disgust as he saw his team mates gladly jump around as if they were at a Bronski Beat gig at the Music Hall.


Hancock took along his better half to work his recent birthday present, and Mrs Andrew was clicking away frantically with the camera as the horse play and banter was reaching fever pitch. One of the Elite were heard saying “Check oot Wifie Hancock with the camera, clicking awa’ like mad”. This was then replied to by Bubbles who said “Is that Hancock’s wife like?”   Hmm…………


The cool box was there courtesy of Chopper who had managed to collect it from Shando due to Shando’s unfortunate illness and subsequent absence.


Due to the lack of numbers, it was decided to play Bubbles outfield and let Hancock retain the yellow jersey for a second week in succession.


The first game was against the Danes (Fa?) or Arla foods to give them their proper name.


The Elite lined up with Hancock in goals, Chopper at the back, a midfield of Night and Day and Bubbles, with Chopstix doing the running up front.


The Elite started well and looked the better team against a weakened Danish team. We had a few chances that should have been tucked away, but for one reason or another, it didn’t happen.

The Danes then got a corner 5 minutes into the game that resulted in a melee at the near post. After a fresh air swipe at the ball from the Elite, the ball fell to a Dane who connected well with the ball to send it past Hancock and into the net.

The heads dropped immediately and the only shouting done by the Elite was at one another. There was no helping one another, it was just shouting at one another for making individual mistakes. We huffed and puffed a lot but nothing came of it and the game ended.


Disappointing end to the first game losing 1-0.


We sat out the next round of games and it gave us time to regroup and to discuss how we were going to take on the Locker Room in our next fixture.


As per normal, we controlled the game early on with some great passing.

We were keeping possession well as we pushed for an opening goal.


The LR then managed to sneak a goal dead against the run of play.

Straight after the restart, the Elite showed how they could play when they play for one another and scored a superb goal after some excellent passing. Chopstix was credited with the goal, but to be fair, the ball was worked between every player on the pitch before ending in the eventual resting place in the net.

This was the kick start we had waited for and we were playing well pushing for a winning goal.


The LR pushed forward and as the Elite backed off, the LR player then tried a very speculative effort from just inside the Elite half. Hancock appeared to have it covered until it took a wicked deflection off of Chopper’s right cheek to sneak past Hancock in goals.

It was a sickening blow and one that the Elite definitely didn’t deserve.

Tempers were starting to get a little high.

Bubbles then slid in on one of the LR players and was amazingly sent off for the next two minutes. The ref was having none of the arguing that followed and the game raged on with the Elite down to 4 men. No.9 ran back and forward non stop to keep the ball in the LR half.

After two minutes, Bubbles was allowed back on with 30 seconds or so remaining. The Elite got a free kick in a very promising position on the far side of the pitch.


The ball was rolled out to the Chairman, who managed to trip on his run up and ended up passing the ball back to one of the LR defenders. If nothing else it momentarily stopped the gloom on the touchline and gave everyone a smile.


 Unfortunately time was against the Elite and it wasn’t enough to let the Elite get the equalizer that their play deserved.


The final whistle went again and a very disgruntled Elite trudged off the pitch after their second defeat of the night. Final whistle 2-1 to the Locker Room.


Straight into the third game against the Poona boys.

We defeated them easily last week 3-0, so this was going probably the easiest game on paper of the night.


There was a change in the Elite when Bubbles took the yellow goalies top and gave his red outfield top to Hancock.

The game seemed to fly in with the PBs being guilty of some pretty meaty challenges going in all over the place. Hancock was told a few times to calm things down as he seemed to be a little possessed. His endless running was rattling up the PBs and they didn’t like the attention he was giving them. This ref was obviously not the same one we had in the previous game as he let the game flow as much as he could.

The PBs had one shot on goal and somehow managed to score with it.

Yet again, the only shouting coming from the Elite was at one another.


There was no team spirit it was all about shouting at each other.


The game ended with the Elite doing a lot of the running and getting nowhere. Yet another single goal defeat. Final whistle 1-0.


Into the last game of the night against the Rattlesnake.

The previous week had been a goalless draw and we desperately needed something to show for our efforts on the night.

This game was a complete carbon copy of the Poona boys game previously.

The Rattler had one shot on goal and scored.


A special mention for the ref here.


This was the ref that had sent off Bubbles off in the second game for a sliding tackle. For some completely unknown reason, he adjudged Chopper to have pulled a shirt and gave a free kick when it was blatantly clear that it was Chopper who had been fouled. He also managed to let at least 4 worse challenges than Bubbles one in the previous game, go unpunished.

As long as my arse points south, he will never make a referee. He was shocking.


The game ended and it was more a relief than anything else for the Elite. Fourth defeat of the night and no points for all the effort seemed so cruel considering every game was a single goal defeat.


Yet again a great effort from all lads involved last night, although it would have been better if we had cut out some of the infighting. We didn’t look like we were enjoying it at all :


Bubbles – Played well in Midfield as well as his regular position in goals.  


Hancock – Played well in goals and also when asked to play outfield.


Chopper – Was his usual very committed self in all the games.


Craig Day – Ran up and down the pitch in every game.


Keith Park – Was a continual threat up front and kept running non stop.


Grifter – Worked his socks off as he always does. Played wherever he was asked to, and put in a good shift.


No.9 – Great to see Lee return after a while away. Another who had loads of effort.


Chairman Jim – Had no hesitation of pulling on the strip to make up the 8th player and did a job when called upon.


Thanks to Mrs Andrew for taking the pics at the start and good to see Wullie and Norrie along to support the team. I know for a fact Wullie was desperate to play for the Elite last night, your time will come mate.


I have also decided that after a few months of being manager of the Elite, it is time for me to step aside with immediate effect.


I have enjoyed my time immensely whilst filling the role but have felt for a while now that it was time to let someone else take over.


I would like to personally thank everyone at the Elite for allowing me the chance to get involved. I will still come along when I can on a Tuesday night to give my support but someone else will pick the teams from next week forward.


Thanks again for all your help.

--The Fairmer


Posted by dubainefc at 4:57 PM

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