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Northern Express
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
We?ve Taken Our Team Into Europe


4 W 2 D 2 L 0 6 points -  Total of 9 points for the two weeks. 

Well after another Sunday where the Dandy Dons managed to pip the Jute minks yet again for a place in Europe, the Fairmer was really looking forward to the games on Tuesday night. Time to chat with the lads and plan our next Euro jaunt as well as celebrate that the fat orange hoor has gone too. Double celebration for the Dons fans.


There was also a small matter of the league title going to the blue cheek of the old firm arse after the green cheek had thrown it away. Well done to the blue cheek (washing mouth out as we speak with large bar of soap), beat Falkirk at the weekend and we miss a qualifying round in Europe. (Sorry can’t bring myself to wish them well two weeks on the trot).

A few of the regular faces missing but a great turn out none the less again last night. Everyone looking to give a big push and get us out of the relegation place we were currently sitting in. We were only three points off the top though, so if the results went our way, we could theoretically be promoted too.


The cool box didn’t show unfortunately and this was going to become an issue later on with the temperature and humidity climbing every week. Chesney nearly dropped on the deck when he realized there was no cool box. Please can we have it returned for next week.


Hancock had obviously just gotten a new birthday present as he was snapping furiously away with a camera as the lads were coming in. A lot of belly sucking in and staying away from Chris, Sid and Beavis was the order of the night. Here’s hoping Hancock wasn’t moonlighting for Ahlan! Would hate to think the pics will end up there. Well Maybe Chris, Sid and Beavis wouldn’t be.

We sat out the first round of games again this week and watched from the touchline as all four teams in Division 4 played out goalless draws in front of us. The night had started off well as we didn’t want to lose touch of Playas Club and Seven Wonders at the top.


Another strong line up for our first game with Bubbles in goals, Satch and Chesney at the back, Sid in the middle and Shando doing the running up front.


The Elite started the game very well and were controlling the game from the off. There was some very slick passing from all areas over the pitch.


Satch was marshalling the defence well, with help from big Chris in goals. There was loads of communication throughout the team and it was joy to watch and hear. We pressed on looking for a goal and were finally rewarded when Sid latched onto a through ball from Shando (AGAIN PROVIDING!) and hit an unstoppable shot past the helpless Playas keeper.

We then went onto to play a superb game of holding the ball up and frustrating the Playas players. One dirty little nyaff in particular decided his elbows had become legal to use and proceeded to catch Sid in the face a couple of times as they were both going for the ball. Nothing given by the ref as per normal against these lads, so we smiled and carried on. Thankfully for the Elite (and the nyaff), it was Sid that was caught and not some of our slightly more aggressive players.  

Right at the end Shando was clean through but was met by the outrushing Playas keeper.


Shando using all his experience in the challenge, managed to somehow kick the keepers balls as they both challenged for the leather ball. Just a little retribution for the nyaff in midfield I thought.

Eventually the final whistle blew and we had beaten the team at the top of the league. Great result to start off our night. 1-0.

Second game was against the team currently sitting bottom of the group, Real Bad.


We had beaten them last week so they were looking for revenge.

This game started with a goal inside 10 seconds for the Elite. Right from the kick off, Beavis collected the ball, danced through a couple of challenges and put the ball past the Real Bad keeper. One nil to the Elite and the fans had barely had time to collect their pies and Bovrils.

Beavis was playing like Darren Mackie. Scored a great goal and was running his heart out up front. He chased every ball and was even tracking back now and then too. Unfortunately though, he showed how close he actually is to Darren Mackie by missing at least three other great chances. The goal he did score was probably the hardest chance.

He was hooked by the Fairmer and replaced by Shando at about half way. The crowd were on their feet for him coming off, if only to shout abuse for missing some great chances.


Shando came on……then got sent off.


Shando had been tracking back and following one players run when he dived into a challenge. It didn’t seem that bad to be fair. We have witnessed a hell of a lot worse challenges on the same pitches, but the ref thought it a sin bin challenge and the Elite were down to 4 for 2 mins.

The two minutes seemed to drag (as they always do), and we were on the ropes for the majority of the time we were a man down. The players held on well though and to their credit didn’t concede during the time.

Eventually Shando was allowed to come back on. There was still a minute to go and we wanted to push for a second goal to seal the points.

Shando’s first contribution to coming on was to chase after a long throw out by Bubbles in goals. The ball was thrown out into touch and Shando was instantly take off again, although this time he was subbed. Beavis took his place again up front and his Darren Mackie esq running (and finishing) had the crowd roaring from the touchline. Granted most of it was obscenities but the crowd were willing the team on.


Game ended and it was the second win of the night for the Elite. 1-0

Next game was against the Stevie Summers Seven Wonders, minus Stevie Summers.


Unfortunately for the Elite fans, there had been no new developments on the transfer front regarding young Kevin from the Wonders. Rumour has it, that he is desperate to pull on the famous red shirt of his heroes, but his agent and the Elite board seem to be poles apart when trying to discuss personal terms.


Again the Elite were out of the traps early and were holding the ball well against a big strong team. There was a lot of good possession from both teams and it was a very good open flowing game for the neutrals amongst the crowd to watch. It was end to end stuff with Bubbles proving his worth with a series of very good saves.


The game was very even when Sid collected the ball on the half way line and strolled forward to lash the ball past the hapless keeper into the net. The Elite bench went radio rental as this was the best team we had faced all night and we all understood the importance of taking the lead in this game. SSSWmSS had been runners up in Division 1 just a few weeks ago.


The Elite players were understandably tiring after giving their all in the previous two games and we were automatically pushed on the back foot after the goal.


SSSWmSS’s were pushing for an equalizer and there good work was rewarded when with a minute to go, they equalized. Chris was finally beaten by a rasping shot that even the great Theo Snelders would have struggled to keep out.


Final whistle blew on a highly entertaining game and a share of the spoils was probably a fair result. 1-1

Onto the last game against the Norfolk & Chance basketball players. This game was played for only 6 minutes as we had a new ref who didn’t stop his watch every time the ball went out.


We had a few good chances from long range, but none on target, so probably didn’t deserve to win. I was going to argue the timing with the ref but the Elite players looked dead on their feet and I was happy enough to take a point and remain unbeaten for the night. The only player not impressed with the ref blowing early was Big G.

He had went on with supposedly 2 ½ minutes to go so that he could work some wizardry in the middle of the pitch. What actually happened was that he got on for 30 seconds and he didn’t touch the ball yet!!!! He wasn’t too impressed with the Fairmer at the end, but when I calmly explained the refs poor time keeping, I was let off the hook.

Great effort from all lads involved last night :


Bubbles – Some excellent saves in the third game in particular. Kept the shouting going throughout the games. Almost made up for his f’ up last week.


Chesney –Man marked Elite transfer target Kevin out of the third game. Played well at the back and made one great forward run per game before screaming to be subbed..


Shando – PASSED again this week for Sid to score. On and off non-stop due to ordering off and subbed in second game. Held the ball up very well though when actually on the pitch.


Sid – Chipped in with 2 great goals and ran non-stop in the middle. Did well to keep his cool after catching the nyaff’s elbow, either that or he was scared of the 3ft high midfielder.


Satch – Continually proving that although he maybe looks 49, he can still keep up with the young lads in the team. Did a great job of talking to everyone around him even if most of them weren’t interested in listening.


Beavis – Scored a good goal very early on in the second game and missed at least 43 easier chances throughout the night. Without doubt the Elite’s very own Darren Mackie.


Tinman – Tinners ran about with a smile on his coupon the whole night. Probably still in a dream after Sunday. In some of the games, it would have been good if he hadn’t been dreaming so much,  but tracked back well and made some good blocks.


Big G – Made his cameo 2 ½ minutes appearance in every game but the last. Ran himself into the ground before coming off and sparking up a Capstan full strength fag.


Thanks to Hancock for taking the pics at the start, good to see Craig Day(vid) back too.


Not sure if it will be enough to take us up, but we shouldn’t be going down after some great performances in Division 4.

Cheers Fairmer


Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM

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