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Northern Express
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Hey Min, Far Did ye Get Yer Stay Press Fae?????


4 W 1 D 2 L 1 4 points.


 After a very keenly contested golf tourney at the weekend, the Elite were back to normal business again last night. The golf wasn’t mentioned much at all last night, so obviously the lads that turned up weren’t in any of the prizes. Not sure who would have wanted to win the broken glass (as opposed to the cut glass) trophy Smash produced though. I guess at least each member of the winning four ball got a bit of the trophy each to put on the mantle piece.



Again there were a few of the regular faces missing but it just goes to show what a great bunch of lads and a great squad we have, that we still managed to have 9 players showing up.


We managed to stay in Division 4 after an excellent performance last week and were looking to build on that last night.


The cool box arrived courtesy of Chopstix and it was a welcome sight.


It was also noted however that Craig Day and Sid were walking 10 feet behind Chopstix the whole time as he struggled with the cool box all on his own through the car park. Apparently Sid was heard saying that he was f*cked if he was helping Chopstix as he had 8 games to play later on………..(he would be helping out Ritchie’s team later on that evening).


The lads assembled prior to kick off and were caught admiring Grifter’s new attire.


It still is unknown if he has a new job and he dresses like that every day or if he dressed like that for an interview, or maybe he had a spot on TV in the Hydra Executives.

Whatever the reason, he looked every inch like a model straight out of the window of Primark. Well impressed.



As said earlier, the depth of the Elite squad was in evidence again last night as there were places for Hancock in goals, Craig (Night and) Day, Chopstix, Grifter and Jeffo.


The line up for our first game was Hancock in goals, Chesney at the back alongside Night and Day, Sid in the middle and Shando doing the running up front.

Our first game was against the Locker Room who had been demoted from the 3rd Division.


The Elite were fast out of the blocks and were controlling the game from the off. The passing was very crisp and the communication was great from all on the pitch especially Hancock in goal.  

We had a few chances throughout the game to get the elusive goal, but it never came. A few chances went begging with Sid, Shando and Chesney all having good chances to break the dead lock.


The game ended 0-0 and we were already had our first point of the night.



We then had a break in the second round of games and got a deserved rest. The team were a little down after failing to win the first game but it was a good performance and we took a lot of heart from the performance.


Second game was against the other team who had been relegated the previous week, Arla Foods, or more commonly known as the Danes (Which team are they again?).

This was a very tight game with the Danes being happy to do most of the running and the Elite sitting tight on every player.


The Danes were having plenty possession, but nothing was coming of it as the Elite pushed them all the way.

Chesney made a promising run down the far side of the pitch only to be pushed over by the tracking player.

The ref was so far back from play, he would have as well been refereeing from Jebel Ali.

When he failed to give the foul, Chesney raced quicker than he had all night to the ref to demonstrate his frustration. The game raced on as both sides looked for the goal that would surely win the game.


With a minute or so to go, we were beaten yet again with a ball over the top.


Some of the Elite were left ball watching as the Danish player latched onto the ball to send it past the impressive Hancock in goals.


The Danes pressed hard for a second goal to kill the game off. In their last attack, the ball was lifted over the top again, this time Chesney was wise to it. He ran across the player to win the ball but was adjudged to have fouled the runner in the process. Chesney reacted as if Drogba had just been denied a few soft penalty claims in a Champions League Semi final.


He went absolutely radio rental at the ref.


Some of the other Elite players managed to calm him down enough for the free kick to be taken. It was slammed into the Elite wall and the final whistle blew.


Chesney then continued his best Drogba impersonation by arguing with the ref all the way off the pitch. Fairmer ran on (well jogged would be closer to the truth) and pulled Chesney away. Next game was about to start and the last thing we needed was to lose a player for arguing with the ref. It was obviously Chesney’s time of the month as he was uncharacteristically raging, so he was excused until he changed his tampon.


The game ended 1-0 and the Elite trudged off with their first defeat in 6 games. The disappointment was hard to hide from the players that had given so much in the game to be caught out yet again with the only chance the opposition had.



There was no time to mope about and it was straight into the Rattlesnake.


Well the game against them anyhow.


I think a few of the players thought their 5 a side team were made up of Russian gas cookers, but alas this was not the case. They had quite a young team who seemed pretty good with the flicks and tricks. One lad in particular wearing an Argentinian top seemed pretty mouthy and had been sent off in a previous game so this game had the potential to be fiery.


The game was controlled from start to finish by the Elite. Chance after chance was passed up by the Elite to take the lead.

Frustration was starting to creep into the Elite’s game at the failure to break down a visibly poorer team.

The game ended too quickly for the Elite and it ended goalless with none of the proposed fireworks.  


For the Fairmer, this was probably the most disappointing game of the night as we never looked like doing anything other than winning this game by a big margin, but it just didn’t fall for us.

Second point of the night and time to look forward to the last game.



The last game of the night was against the Poona boys and the Elite knew this was a huge game. These boys had just been promoted with the Rattler lads, so we needed to beat these guys, end of story.


The determination shown from the Elite from the start was incredible.


We raced up the pitch within the first minute and yet another PASS from Shando found Chopstix lurking at the back post to tap in a simple opener.

The Elite were looking to improve their goal difference in this game and were continually pushing forward to add to their tally.


There were a couple of wobbles along the way, but they were dealt with by Jeffo and Hancock at the back.


A second goal for the Elite was always on the cards, and it duly arrived when Chesney found himself in the PB’s half being marked by their keeper. Chesney turned the keeper and calmly rolled the ball into the empty net. From where I was standing, it looked like he turned to the ref from the Danish game and gave him a GIRFUY gesture but maybe it wasn’t…….


Shando picked up his first goal in about 35 weeks, and the Elite’s third with a carbon copy of Chesney’s. Their keeper was playing on the half way line and Shando collected the ball in the Elite half, turned the keeper with one touch then rolled the ball again into the empty net.


Final whistle went and a comprehensive win for the Elite in the final game to get the spirits back up amongst the squad. 3-0 the Elite.



Yet again a stunning effort from all lads involved last night. It never fails to amaze me how much spirit is shown in the squad week in week out, no matter who is picked to play :


Hancock – Some good saves in the first game in particular. Excellent communication throughout the games. Managed to stay in his box and not be sent off either. Quote of the night from Hancock “I haven’t lost a goal in three weeks”. That changed when he got his first start in four weeks. Also managed to stay on and play for Getmo in the top divisions.


Chesney – Ran his heart out again and was all over the pitch in every game. Pretty decent shift for him having the painters in, in my opinion.


Shando – This is starting to become a regular thing with Shando, but he yet again PASSED the ball for someone else to score. Also managed to chip in with a goal himself (his first in 35 weeks). Lucky to have been picked after his slanderous comments towards the Fairmer in last weeks’ emails.


Sid – Did his usual bossing job in the middle of the pitch, but seemed to be holding back some effort for Ritchie’s team in Division 1. Was rightly boo’ed when seen quietly pulling on the light blue top at the end of the night.


Craig (Night and) Day – Amazing engine and great running throughout the night. Great to have ye back Craig, but get a haircut min, yer nae in the Charlatans or Inspiral Carpets.


Jeffo – Marshalled the defence well and was a constant (moaner) talker to all around him. Showed great fitness in the game against the Danes by playing the whole 8 minutes and not breathing through his hoop.


Chopstix – Provided a similar option as some of the other attackers up front for the Elite (i.e. disna score much) after his trip to Rome. Managed to take along the cool box and deserves credit for that alone.


Grifter – Ran as much as his new Jockey Y’s would allow him to and got right into the mix when played up front in the last game. Great effort yet again and brilliant to see him back after a few weeks absence.




Cheers for showing up and supporting the team Andrew and Sye.


According to my dodgy Maths, we are 3 points off top place and well capable of going up next week.



C’Mon The Elite!

Cheers Fairmer.



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