P 5 W 1 D 2 L 2 = 5 points Game week 1
1-1, 3-0, 1-2, 3-0, 1-1
Confused by the amount of games and points? Read on……
Last night was a very weird night.
It started off with nobody knowing which set of pitches we were meant to be playing on. The Elite had turned up in numbers around 6.30pm to be met with empty car parks at both schools. Grifter then called up Davey the organizer who said we were playing at the top set of pitches. We all hot footed it down to the top car park to be told by the copper that we were not entering the premises without a pass. We sat and waited with more and more of the other teams arriving. Still no sign of Davey. Eventually one other team member called him up to be told we were at the wrong school and needed to go down to the pitches we were on during April. Everyone jumped into cars and like something out of the movie classic Convoy, we headed down to the other school. The copper there had obviously been called by his mate at the other gate and he had the same stance, no pass, no entry. More and more people were showing up and starting to play with a football outside the gate. At this point, it was noted by Beavis, that Grifter looked as if he had Wurzel Gummidge changeable feet. His lower legs were quite tanned all the way down to his ankles where there was a distinct line then white feet. Grifter pointed out that this was due to the amount of golf he was playing right now and that maybe he should start playing in his flip flops, not only to even up the tan for his future roles in porn films, but it might also give Y Cardy a chance at beating him in the next golf match they play together. Beavis had a better idea though, He would just lend Grifter some of his own fake tan, so that he could cover up the white feet and everybody would be happy. Well the idea certainly made a few of the Elite happy.
Finally Davey showed up had a quick discussion with the cop and funnily enough, we were all granted entry without one pass between anyone.
As per last week, there was a poor turn-out watching from the sidelines. Obviously our recent dip in form during April is affecting even the hardiest of supporters and it was obvious to see from the poor attendance that we need to win the fans back and fast.
Davey then announced that there were only 6 teams had bothered to show up from divisions 5 and 6. There should have been 10. He had decided that we would all play 5 matches by playing all the teams that had come. Only the games played against teams from the same division would count for points in the league standings and all teams that showed up would start off on four points. Confused? Aye well you will know how we all felt to start with, but we knew which teams were in our division, so we knew which ones would count.
First game of the night was against a fellow Division 5 team, HSBC. They were a right bunch of bankers. We lined up for the kick off the ball was won by No.9 who played it square to Big G. He took the ball for a little run, shot and scored. It probably took you longer to read that sentence than it did for it to actually happen. Probably the quickest goal we have ever scored. The Elite took great confidence from the early goal and were playing well for the majority of the match. We then had a slight slip and gave the bankers too much time on the ball. They came forward and as always seems to happen to us, their one shot on goal resulted in them scoring.
Game ended 1-1 and we had the first earned point of the night.
Second game was against DX from division 6 and gave us a chance to have a bit of shooting and saving practice. This game was not counting for any points, so it was good to play with a grin and not worry too much regarding the result. Goals from Tinman, Beavis and a superb lob from No.9 ensured the Elite won comfortably with a 3-0 scoreline actually flattering DX.
Next game up was again against a division 6 team, Mace. Apparently they had been up morning noon and night, so again, it was a chance for us to go out and enjoy the game. We actually lost the game 2-1, there first goal coming from a great strike. Beavis scored the only goal for the Elite with a great turn and finish. Not to worry, again, the game didn’t really count, so no point getting upset about losing a meaningless game.
Fourth game of the night and it was against fellow Division 5 team, Real Bad. The things that were real bad about this game were the ref, our defending and the final scoreline. We lost 3-0 but their first “goal” didn’t even go in. A shot was fired in that Sye was helpless to stop, it hit the under side of the bar, and bounced about 3 feet away from the goal line in the box. The Elite broke forward from the rebound and Tinners then slotted the ball home. The ref eventually pulled the game back to tell us we had actually conceded a goal! Absolutely unf*cking believable. There was no way it was a goal and it was an incredible decision to go against us. The heads went down and we ended up losing another two goals. The game ended 3-0 to Real Bad and didn’t exactly give us the boost we wanted against one of our division 5 rivals.
Last game of the night was against fcek of Division 6. The final score was 1-1 with the only real point to note that fcek should have turned up wearing speedos, not shorts. One guy in particular did such a spectacular dive, that his closed pike followed by two and a half full somersaults was greeted by ecstatic applause and high scores from the Elite bench. This earned Chesney a two minute sin bin entry and ultimately put him out of the game for the remaining time left. The guy’s second dive of the night was not so spectacular and ended in a belly flop that this time didn’t even impress the ref.
All in all a successful night in gaining 5 points. Satisfactory haul and puts us in a good position going into week 2. Team spirit was evident in a lot of the games and it was a generally good all round performance by all concerned.
Kudos to Hancock, Grifter, Beavis, Tinman, Big G, Lee, Sye and Chesney for the effort yet again.
Support from the touchlines came from Mad Vlad, Dillon, Satch and Wullie (taking in his hopefully first of many Elite games). Cheers Lads
Looking forward to another rake of points next week to push us up a league.
‘MON THE ELITE!