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Northern Express
Thursday, 23 April 2009
April is just not our month

P 4 W 0 D 1 L 3 = 1 point  Game week 1

0-1,  0-0, 1-4, 1-5  



Well then lads, as per usual the effort from all the lads that showed up last night was exemplary. This can never ever be questioned. Last night was a night of two halves, where we were unlucky not to have won the first two games, but were nowhere near it in the second two.

As per last week, there was a very good turn out on the sidelines ready to cheer on the boys in the famous red shirts. We were close to at least matching our biggest crowd of the season (last week) with 8 lads supporting on the touchline.  There was a bit of a competition going on with No.9 and the Jnr. Fairmer who turned 12 in December. Apaprently Jnr. reckoned he had more hair on his chin than No.9 even though No.9 had now went 15 weeks without shaving. I didn’t want to take sides as it was too close to call. 

First time in Division 4 for the Fairmer, so unknown territory for me. I did hope that things would be slightly easier than last week though, as we were up against some tidy teams last week in Div.3. One major change for the Elite was to hand Grifter the keepers jersey after a stunning 3 minute performance last week where he kept a clean sheet.

In our first game we were up against Jossie’s Giants who had just been promoted from Division 5. The Elite started with a very strong team and were well in control of the game at the early stages. Y Cardy looked on fire as he was spraying balls all over the pitch as well as peppering the JG’s goal. We were really showing the newly promoted lads how to play and I felt that we really had to make all our possession count. We continued to pound the JG goal with nothing going in for us. 7 of the 8 minutes gone and we had pretty much everyone other than Grifter having shots at their goal. The seconds ticked away and with three players caught in the JG half, the ball came over the top and was met by one of their players, he took a touch then calmly slotted it past Grifter in the goal. This was very hard to take due to the amount of pressure we had on their goal. Hit by the classic sucker punch.

Full time 0-1

We seemed disappointed but definitely not down as it was such an injustice that we were beaten the lads seemed even more fired up for the second game. This was against The Gent’s Club. No idea where the name came from as it looked like a certain shamed 70’s pop star and a group of his mates. The keeper was about 20 stone and around mid to late 40’s. The rest of the team looked on average………………..12. This was going to be a difficult game as we had seen them in previous weeks and they had some tidy 12 year olds playing for them, but they were kids. The game was a little more even with their youthful exuberance showing, they were making some very clever runs through the Elite defence. Luckily for the Elite, Grifter was playing very well in goals again and was making some vital stops to keep them from scoring. The Elite were pressing hard and ref Davie seemed a little more than lenient towards the youngsters. They appeared to get a lot of decisions that might not have been given had it been men that were playing. The game neared the end with neither side managing to break the deadlock. In the dying seconds, Shando was sent through and as he fired towards the goal, the ball came off the post and went out for a goal kick. There wasn’t even enough time to take the resultant goal kick as the ref blew his whistle for full time.

Full time 0-0 and the first point on the board for the Elite.

No rest for the wicked as they say, and onwards to the 3rd game against Norfolk & Chance (say it slowly). We started well but were soon 1 down when we left Jeffo cruelly exposed at the back on his own to cover two players. They played a one two and we were already chasing the game. Straight from the restart though, we stormed up the park and Y cardy slotted the ball home for our first goal of the night. Almost as fast as we had equalized, we found ourselves again behind. Same again leaving one player back, losing possession in the oppositions half and we are left with a one on two situation at the back. N&C took full advantage. Yet again, we let our hearts rule our heads and all headed forward for an equalizer chasing the game. N&C were now managing to pick the Elite off at will by lobbing the ball over the half way line and leaving a one on two situation nearly every time. It was catch 22. We chased after the game, we lost another goal. The third goal from N&C though needs a special mention. We managed to track back this time well and pushed their player wide left. He was nearly at the corner flag, when he chipped the ball across and actually lobbed Grifter in goal. It was a goal that had even the staunchest Elite fan applauding from the sidelines. N&C then got another goal to compound our misery.

Full time 1-4

We had a break in the games at this point, and had a team talk to discuss the failings of the previous game. Jeffo was rightly calling the shots. We were all chasing the ball and leaving one guy back every time. Every team we played could see this, and as soon as we lost possession, the ball came over the half way line, we had one player left and ultimately lost a goal. We were being punished pretty much every time it happened. The key was to not all rush forward at once and when we did get the ball hold onto it to allow the rest of the team to move forward. Everyone nodded in agreement with Jeffo’s wise words and it seemed fully understood by all.  

Spirits were high though, and this was shown when chopstix was running around throwing some of Y Cardy’s arse hair into the air. Y Cardy had fashioned a new style of shorts that unfortunately for the rest of us, showed most of his rear end. A comment was made regarding the fact that he had more hair on his arse than he had on his head and chopstix decided he would remove some. I think he wanted to try and transplant it to Y Cardy’s head. Whatever the reason, there was arse hair flying about everywhere and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

We took to the pitch for our last game of the night against our old adversaries, the Locker Room. Thumper was conspicuous with his absence from the Locker room team although they had managed to pick up one of the FA coaches that train the Jnr. Fairmer. This was a must win game for us and we started with as strong a team as we could. Y Cardy was still sporting the smallest pair of shorts in the world that almost hid something that roughly resembled a penis, only much much smaller (so I was told anyway, it was too disgusting to look myself). Flashes were going off all through the crowd with cameras being used non-stop. No doubt Facebook is about to be removed from the world wide web this morning for posting indecent pictures.

Anyway, the game was crap. Everything that Jeffo had said prior to the game was ignored and we were caught time and time again. One note on the substitution rule as we had yet another mix up in this game very similar to last week. A change can only be made once the ball goes out of play. At that point, a change can be made. A player cannot go on the field until the ball goes out ,therefore the player going off, should stay on until that point. We were never at the races in this game at all. Shando pulled a late consolation goal back for the Elite later on but we were never going to get anything back after going behind so heavily early on.

Full Time 1-5

Another disappointing evening but no point feeling sorry for ourselves.  

The crack was there, but the team spirit didn’t appear to be.

Kudos to Jeffo, Grifter, Beavis, Chopper, Yeatser, Lee, Shando and Chopstix for the effort yet again.

Good support again from the touchlines from Tinman, Hancock, Mad Vlad, Glen, Ethan (sp?) Steve, Gavin and Andrew.

Hard week ahead of us next week lads, but if we can get back some of the team spirit we displayed in bucket loads earlier in the year, no reason why we can’t have a good night next week.



--the fairmer 

Posted by dubainefc at 12:01 AM

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